I entered a colorless world. It was a world where people were afforded no recognized qualifications, no profession. A world in which nobody was interested in what you did in life or what might be going through you mind. Often the only interesting thing about you was your latest scan. I discovered that most of my doctors didn't know how to treat me as a patient and a colleague at the same time. At a dinner party one evening, my oncologist at the time, a brilliant specialist I very much liked, also turned out to be a guest. When I arrived I saw him turn pale, then get up and leave after some vague excuse. Suddenly I had the feeling that there was a club of the living and I was getting the message that I wasn't a member. I began to feel frightened that I was in a category apart, a category of people defined primarily by their disease. I was afraid of becoming invisible. Afraid of no longer existing, even before dying. Perhaps I was going to die soon, but I still wanted to live fully up to the end. (David Servan-Schreiber, Anticancer: A New Way of Life. New York: Viking Penguin, 2008. pp.17-8).Servan-Schreiber is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine and when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor, he experienced being in a different world. I had an almost similar experience when I was with my oncologist in her clinic. She was not interested in the fact that I had studied theology in Boston, was a chaplain intern, had worked in a hospital setting, provided spiritual care and support for dozens of patients, and I am now feeling displaced as a cancer patient. She was not interested in my past, nor who I am. She was only interested in how soon I could get a CT scan for her to establish a new baseline (she said this repeatedly during our 2nd meeting), so that she could put me on adjuvant systemic treatment (she repeated this during our 1st meeting). I was just another cancer patient to her. Whatever I clung on to prove that I am a unique human being was in the process of being taken away in the clinic. At least, she did not ask my spouse to leave nor ask me to change into the hospital gown as my spouse and my street clothing were my last shred of evidence verifying my uniqueness as a human being. If I were to be in hospital gown and alone by myself, I might have felt like a faceless digit in the presence of my oncologist.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Being a cancer patient in clinical setting
I find Dr. David Servan-Schreiber’s description of being a cancer patient to be very apt,
Top Ten Not so Very Helpful things to say to someone experiencing the loss of a loved one
I learned the following from my clinical and pastoral education program, and I thought it will be helpful to share with those who are trying to comfort others in needs (and I have pasted them on my Facebook notes on August 6, 2010).
Top Ten Not so Very Helpful things People Say to Someone Experiencing the Loss of a Loved One.
10. God needs him more than you do.
9. God gave him this disease in order to test you.
8. God never gives you more than you can handle.
7. God loves him so much that he's taking him home.
6. I know exactly how you feel, my cat died last week.
5. I'm sorry this is so bad for you because I love you and I know this is terribly hard on you.
4. Well, you would not want him to live in the shape he is in, would you?
3. We have to be strong so we can give the victory to Jesus.
2. You think this is bad! You should have lived through World War II.
1. So, do you think you'll re-marry soon?
Top Ten Not so Very Helpful things People Say to Someone Experiencing the Loss of a Loved One.
10. God needs him more than you do.
9. God gave him this disease in order to test you.
8. God never gives you more than you can handle.
7. God loves him so much that he's taking him home.
6. I know exactly how you feel, my cat died last week.
5. I'm sorry this is so bad for you because I love you and I know this is terribly hard on you.
4. Well, you would not want him to live in the shape he is in, would you?
3. We have to be strong so we can give the victory to Jesus.
2. You think this is bad! You should have lived through World War II.
1. So, do you think you'll re-marry soon?
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Talking about cancer
The English writer Julia Darling was suffering from cancer when she penned this:
Adam Wishart whose father died of cancer wrote a book describing how his father coped with cancer and how the family was affected. While narrating his father’s cancer, he also blends in the history of cancer treatment which I find to be a delightful read. Here’s what he says towards the end of his book,
Indeed, I think there is a need to learn how to talk about cancer, rather than pretending the illness is not there or affecting the one whom we love. I am not sure whether it is our Chinese culture’s emphasis on face that hushes discussion of the illness. It is by being honest and frank with one’s illness that one can continue to have the courage to face it and to walk the journey together with those whom he/she loves. I differ with Julia Darling about not getting emotional as it is only human to be emotional when his/her loved one is afflicted with terminal illness. I do understand the burden of the cancer patient to want to comfort those who are saddened and emotional. However, when friends and family members do get emotional, it is an avenue for all of us to cry together, to embrace each other and to walk this tough journey authentically together.
But I believe it may not be necessary to disclose the illness to every friends as some are not in a state whereby they are ready to empathize and attune to their own emotion. Some lack the capacity for grief as they are accustomed to a life of stability and have been living in a facade of success. It is a risk to make one's illness known. It is a risk to make oneself vulnerable and not knowing the outcome of that risk. I believe taking the risk may be worth it if one holds the conviction that life is still beautiful despite the many flaws and ugliness, and the beauty is enhanced or manifested when the friend and befriended, when the lover and beloved choose to stay committed in their relationship even when faced with the prospect of imminent separation. However, when either one chooses to forego this commitment, it is the cost of the risk one has chosen.
Be direct, say "How's your cancer?" Try not to say how well we look compared to when you met in Safeway's. Please don't cry, or get emotional, and say how dreadful it all is. Also (and this is hard I know) try not to ignore the ill, or to scurry past, muttering about a bus, the bank. Remember that this day might be your last and that it is a miracle that any of us stands up, breathes, behaves at all. (Julia Darling, “How to Behave with the Ill,” quoted in Adam Wishart, One in Three: A Son’s Journey into the history and science of cancer. New York: Grove Press, 2007. pp. 233. Please access http://juliadarling.co.uk/retro/behave.html for the full version of the poem.)
Adam Wishart whose father died of cancer wrote a book describing how his father coped with cancer and how the family was affected. While narrating his father’s cancer, he also blends in the history of cancer treatment which I find to be a delightful read. Here’s what he says towards the end of his book,
We need desperately, therefore, to learn how to talk about cancer and to regard it no longer as a painful taboo. There is an urgent need to do so, because each of us will one day be touched by the disease, as one in three people will be diagnosed with it within their lifetimes. It is time to understand that cancer is becoming a disease to live with rather than only die from. (Ibid)
Indeed, I think there is a need to learn how to talk about cancer, rather than pretending the illness is not there or affecting the one whom we love. I am not sure whether it is our Chinese culture’s emphasis on face that hushes discussion of the illness. It is by being honest and frank with one’s illness that one can continue to have the courage to face it and to walk the journey together with those whom he/she loves. I differ with Julia Darling about not getting emotional as it is only human to be emotional when his/her loved one is afflicted with terminal illness. I do understand the burden of the cancer patient to want to comfort those who are saddened and emotional. However, when friends and family members do get emotional, it is an avenue for all of us to cry together, to embrace each other and to walk this tough journey authentically together.
But I believe it may not be necessary to disclose the illness to every friends as some are not in a state whereby they are ready to empathize and attune to their own emotion. Some lack the capacity for grief as they are accustomed to a life of stability and have been living in a facade of success. It is a risk to make one's illness known. It is a risk to make oneself vulnerable and not knowing the outcome of that risk. I believe taking the risk may be worth it if one holds the conviction that life is still beautiful despite the many flaws and ugliness, and the beauty is enhanced or manifested when the friend and befriended, when the lover and beloved choose to stay committed in their relationship even when faced with the prospect of imminent separation. However, when either one chooses to forego this commitment, it is the cost of the risk one has chosen.
Decision to defer my CT scan to Dec 6
I have been reading more about cancer from books and medical journals in the last one month than in other month. I found out from a study in New England Journal of Medicine (July 1, 2010 issue) that exposure to CT scan can increase risk of cancer by as much as 1 in 80, i.e. 1.25%. This is contrary to the information given by my oncologist. When I was a chaplain intern at Massachusetts General Hospital I learned to be an advocate for my patients. I remember there was a patient at MGH who preferred not to continue treatment and his request was ignored by his medical doctor, and I brought this issue up to the medical practitioner in-charge of him and we deliberated over this together. There was another patient who had lung infection complicated by urinary tract infection (UTI) and I had to check with the nurse in-charge of him whether his UTI medication was included in his take-home medication package. Now I have to be my own advocate by reading books and journals about the paradigm which Western medicine operates and the possible protocol. I also discovered that my type of kidney cancer is considered rare (Type II papillary renal cell cancer to be more exact) and my treatment option is limited for my stage of kidney cancer. I also learned about medical studies done on anticancer food could not make it into the mainstream medical scene for obvious reason that these food cannot be patented. For the sake of comparison, a relatively minor anticancer medicine such as Taxol brings in a billion US dollar a year to the company holding the patent according to David Servan-Schreiber’s Anticancer: A New Way of Life.
I have been informed last month that I will be given targeted treatment through drug that is designed to inhibit the growth of cancerous cells (technically called anti-angiogenesis drug, and not to be confused with chemotherapy). When the drug loses its effect within few months as the more resistant cancerous cells become dominant, I will be given another type of drug till the option is exhausted, and the cancerous cells will be uncontrollable after that. This treatment will typically last for a year to a year and a half. If I were to pin my hope on Western medicine, my best hope lays in the invention of a gene-targeted drug for my type of kidney cancer that would stop the further replication of my mutated cancerous cells. This type of treatment called the gene-targeted treatment was first successfully pioneered for chronic myeloid leukaemia patients with the drug Gleevec in 1999. Since this type of gene-targeted drug for my kidney cancer is not available yet, I am sticking to regular alternative treatment consisting of Chinese herbs, finger pressing of meridian to stimulate blood circulation, practice of Tai Ji, diet of anticancer food, and natural supplements to boost immune system and to combat cancer. As I am not sure how much of this alternative treatment will work for me, I have decided give myself more time to try it out and have postponed my original CT scan scheduled yesterday to Dec 6, and my appointment with my oncologist to Dec 13. Added on to my arsenal of tool is learning to attune to my psychological state and to break free from feeling helpless. I understand from Servan-Schreiber’s Anticancer that our psychological state plays an important role in managing cancer and as a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine, Servan-Schreiber has clinical studies to support his theory which is still considered new to the mainstream oncologists.
I believe Professor Vincent T. DeVita’s textbook Cancer: Principles & Practice of Oncology has set the tone for most oncologists. This author discovered the cure for Hodgskin’s disease by combined chemotherapy and is the former director of the National Cancer Institute in U.S. According to Servan-Schreiber, the latest edition of the textbook does not have a single chapter on the role of nutrition in the treatment of cancer or the prevention of relapses. This further helps me to understand why my oncologist is not likely to explore alternatives outside the National Cancer Center’s protocol. If you could, please continue to pray for my physical healing and spiritual healing (physical: cancer; spiritual: brokenness I experienced). I pray that my alternative treatment will be effective and my coming CT scan will testify to it. Even if that does not happen, may I continue to spend my time meaningfully with God, with God’s community of people, with family members, and be an instrument of blessing to others. As a result of being a cancer patient, I found myself with greater empathy and able to connect to others who have/had illness themselves or are affected because their loved one is suffering.
I have been informed last month that I will be given targeted treatment through drug that is designed to inhibit the growth of cancerous cells (technically called anti-angiogenesis drug, and not to be confused with chemotherapy). When the drug loses its effect within few months as the more resistant cancerous cells become dominant, I will be given another type of drug till the option is exhausted, and the cancerous cells will be uncontrollable after that. This treatment will typically last for a year to a year and a half. If I were to pin my hope on Western medicine, my best hope lays in the invention of a gene-targeted drug for my type of kidney cancer that would stop the further replication of my mutated cancerous cells. This type of treatment called the gene-targeted treatment was first successfully pioneered for chronic myeloid leukaemia patients with the drug Gleevec in 1999. Since this type of gene-targeted drug for my kidney cancer is not available yet, I am sticking to regular alternative treatment consisting of Chinese herbs, finger pressing of meridian to stimulate blood circulation, practice of Tai Ji, diet of anticancer food, and natural supplements to boost immune system and to combat cancer. As I am not sure how much of this alternative treatment will work for me, I have decided give myself more time to try it out and have postponed my original CT scan scheduled yesterday to Dec 6, and my appointment with my oncologist to Dec 13. Added on to my arsenal of tool is learning to attune to my psychological state and to break free from feeling helpless. I understand from Servan-Schreiber’s Anticancer that our psychological state plays an important role in managing cancer and as a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine, Servan-Schreiber has clinical studies to support his theory which is still considered new to the mainstream oncologists.
I believe Professor Vincent T. DeVita’s textbook Cancer: Principles & Practice of Oncology has set the tone for most oncologists. This author discovered the cure for Hodgskin’s disease by combined chemotherapy and is the former director of the National Cancer Institute in U.S. According to Servan-Schreiber, the latest edition of the textbook does not have a single chapter on the role of nutrition in the treatment of cancer or the prevention of relapses. This further helps me to understand why my oncologist is not likely to explore alternatives outside the National Cancer Center’s protocol. If you could, please continue to pray for my physical healing and spiritual healing (physical: cancer; spiritual: brokenness I experienced). I pray that my alternative treatment will be effective and my coming CT scan will testify to it. Even if that does not happen, may I continue to spend my time meaningfully with God, with God’s community of people, with family members, and be an instrument of blessing to others. As a result of being a cancer patient, I found myself with greater empathy and able to connect to others who have/had illness themselves or are affected because their loved one is suffering.
Coronary artery and plant-based diet
(T. Colin Campbell, The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted. Dallas, Texas: Benbella Books, 2006. p. 128.)
A patient with a heart problem at forty-four years decided to try out Dr. Caldwell B. Esselstyn, Jr. ‘s dietary program without any cholesterol-lowering medication, and after thirty-two months, this patient reversed his heart disease and lowered his blood cholesterol to 89 mg/dL. The picture on the left section shows his coronary artery before switching to the plant-based diet. The one on the right shows the same artery opening up after adopting a whole foods, plant-based diet. Dr. Caldwell has been doing studies of patients whose blood cholesterol changed after adapting his recommended diet since 1985. By 2003, patients in his studies groups recorded forty-nine coronary events prior to a whole foods, plant-based diet, and zero events for those who adhered to a whole foods, plant-based diet. This is another evidence how switching diet could radically change the disease. (From Campbell, The China Study, pp. 127-9)
Monday, November 08, 2010
Mouse with aggressive tumor and without
(David Servan-Schreiber, Anticancer: A New Way of Life. New York: Viking Penguin, 2008. pp.112)
Both mice without immune system were injected with human lung cancer cells by Richard Beliveau’s research team at Sainte-Justine Children’s Hospital, Montreal. One mouse developed aggressive tumor, while the other had the tumor in check. What’s the difference in their diet? The one that had the tumor in check was given a diet of brussels sprouts, broccoli, garlic, scallions, turmeric, black pepper, cranberries, grapefruit, and even a bit of green tea. Its proportions were calculated so that the diet matched what a human could take in during an ordinary day: 100 grams (4 ounces) of cabbage, 50 grams (2 ounces) of blueberries, 2 grams (0.07 ounces) of tea, etc. The group of mice being fed with anticancer food had their tumors developed more slowly. Now we do have documentation on empirical studies of the effect of anticancer food in the lab.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Being comforted by the late preacher Ng Eng Eng (黄瑛瑛传道)
I am very grateful to the late preacher Ng Eng Eng (黄瑛瑛传道) for penning down her struggles and prayers with breast cancer before she died in 2005. I found comfort and strength in reading her journal. I am asking some of the questions she had asked, I am praying for the same healing she had prayed for, and through her journal I know I am not struggling alone. I do not know why I have cancer just like the late preacher Eng Eng did not know why she had hers. I feel guilty for having unhealthy diet in the past just like she felt years ago. I am drawn to the natural therapists the same way she did though we differ in content. Even though we are separated by space and time, I feel connected to her whenever I read her journal. It is almost like she is talking directly to me. If the Everliving God is comforting me, the late preacher Eng Eng is the avenue whereby God is comforting me. I am indeed not alone in my journey.
Meeting with my oncologist
Those who advocate food and nutrition to manage cancer are not in the mainstream, including Dr. T. Colin Campbell, who is now an esteemed professor at Cornell University in the U.S. But this alternative view is slowly catching on. Unfortunately, my oncologist is in the mainstream and follows a strict protocol on what a kidney patient should do. When I consulted her last Monday 18 Oct, at National Cancer Centre, she insisted me to go for a CT scan to establish a new baseline immediately, so that she could put me on a regime of standard adjuvant systemic treatment. My confidence in her eroded when she denied any health risk involved when exposed to a second CT scan within three months of the first (CT scan is a kind of 3D X-ray and of higher dosage than the typical 2D chest X-ray). When I asked her whether there are other ways to detect tumours in my body, she said yes but did not explore that alternative. She repeated to me that she had to establish a new baseline based on a new CT scan. My recent tumour markers (from blood test) taken last week show my major organs to be free of cancerous cells but she did not incorporate this data in our discussion. My urologist Prof. Cheng did an ultrasound scan on my abdomen for presence of tumour two weeks ago and there was none, but this was not mentioned in our conversation either.
I wanted to know why my white blood cell count is still normal inspite of the cancerous cells in my body and she suggested that kidney cancerous cells could not be detected from blood test. She made me more puzzled by scheduling me for another blood test before my next appointment with her. I was also curious how Prof. Teh (a kidney cancer researcher)'s research on my tumour cells would affect my chemotherapy and she told me she was unaware of the outcome and I would be prescribed the standard treatment plan. As I am still young, the treatment will be intensified, i.e. instead of taking one pill per day, I will be taking three pills per day. I might experience side effects such as low immune system and/or low red blood, but she did not inform me of the possible peeling off of skin on hand and feet which happened to 30-50% of the patients given this drug in the U.S.
I felt frustrated talking to my oncologist. She was giving me standard answer and following a standard guideline on what she should do. I would have been more comfortable if she had been honest with me about what she knew and what she did not know, and was willing to explore alternative with me. It seems like she was representing the interest of medical establishment and I was more like a digit to her. My consultation with her was a far cry from my urologist who presented me with choices, was honest with my risks, the types of risks and the percentage of risks. I managed to postpone my coming CT scan to three weeks later (on 8 Nov) instead of one week from now, and my next appointment with her falls on 15 Nov (Mon).
I am not sure whether to proceed with the CT scan. If I do proceed and if the scan shows my cancerous cells to be localized in one area, i.e. my neck lymph nodes, should I still go for chemotherapy or should I wait for the cells to shrink by themselves? Chemo is usually for cancerous cells that have spread beyond primary site and not ideal to remove by surgery. If indeed my remaining cancerous cells are not localized, is chemo really the best option? Should I seek another opinion? If yes, which oncologist? I am praying for the inner peace to make the most appropriate decision.
I wanted to know why my white blood cell count is still normal inspite of the cancerous cells in my body and she suggested that kidney cancerous cells could not be detected from blood test. She made me more puzzled by scheduling me for another blood test before my next appointment with her. I was also curious how Prof. Teh (a kidney cancer researcher)'s research on my tumour cells would affect my chemotherapy and she told me she was unaware of the outcome and I would be prescribed the standard treatment plan. As I am still young, the treatment will be intensified, i.e. instead of taking one pill per day, I will be taking three pills per day. I might experience side effects such as low immune system and/or low red blood, but she did not inform me of the possible peeling off of skin on hand and feet which happened to 30-50% of the patients given this drug in the U.S.
I felt frustrated talking to my oncologist. She was giving me standard answer and following a standard guideline on what she should do. I would have been more comfortable if she had been honest with me about what she knew and what she did not know, and was willing to explore alternative with me. It seems like she was representing the interest of medical establishment and I was more like a digit to her. My consultation with her was a far cry from my urologist who presented me with choices, was honest with my risks, the types of risks and the percentage of risks. I managed to postpone my coming CT scan to three weeks later (on 8 Nov) instead of one week from now, and my next appointment with her falls on 15 Nov (Mon).
I am not sure whether to proceed with the CT scan. If I do proceed and if the scan shows my cancerous cells to be localized in one area, i.e. my neck lymph nodes, should I still go for chemotherapy or should I wait for the cells to shrink by themselves? Chemo is usually for cancerous cells that have spread beyond primary site and not ideal to remove by surgery. If indeed my remaining cancerous cells are not localized, is chemo really the best option? Should I seek another opinion? If yes, which oncologist? I am praying for the inner peace to make the most appropriate decision.
Three different approaches to cancer treatment
I discovered three different approaches to cancer treatment. The mainstream, i.e. Western medicine, believes that cancer can happen to anyone, and the only way to cure it is to kill it. The other end of the spectrum believes that cancer is a result of your diet and lifestyle. If you could change your diet and lifestyle, you could halt and reverse the growth of cancer. However, this is not the mainstream yet. The middle-path, i.e. Chinese medicine, is less conclusive and will complement the Western treatment by boosting the Qi (气) which is the energy in the body in order to combat the disease better.
The Singapore National Cancer Centre is in the mainstream. The natural therapists are on the opposite end. I have met few natural therapists, and one of them, Dr. Willy Wang who did research in human tissues previously and who pioneered his health product known as Fit Solution, studied my most recent health screen report suggests that I need not go for chemotherapy. According to his theory, the reason why cancerous cells occur across multiple sites in the body is not because those at the primary site metastasise and grow into another location, but the weakening of the overall immune system and the need for the lymphocytes (the B-cells and T-cells that attack foreign bodies and infected cells respectively) to concentrate at one site. As our cancerous cells usually stay dormant, when the overall immune system weakens either through chemotherapy or other agents, we are giving the dormant cancerous cells a chance to become active. In another scenario, if the lymphocytes are drawn to one location, such as during a major operation when the operated site is exposed to bacteria, the other sites will have relatively less T-cells and B-cells and thus increases the likelihood of cancerous cells to become active. He suggests this is why many cancerous patients experience metastasis after chemotherapy, not before. This is the first time I heard such theory or perhaps simply an hypothesis with no supporting empirical evidence.
I also came across T. Colin Campbell's The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted, published in 2004 that documents strong correlation between animal-protein and cancer growth and other diseases. In his book, I am delighted to read that in studies done by Sir Richard Doll and Sir Richard Peto of the University of Oxford back in 1981, they concluded that 2-3% of all cancers are attributed to genes. Dr. Campbell did a wide range of research related to cancer for twenty-seven years with funding from U.S. National Institutes of Health, the American Cancer Society and the American Institute for Cancer Research that shows conclusively diet's relationship to cancer, and his research surprisingly led him to examine studies related to heart disease, autoimmune diseases, bone, kidney, eye and brain diseases. He found that those whose blood cholesterol were below 150 mg/dL did not report any heart disease (i.e. stroke, chest pain and heart attack), while those between 150-200 mg/dL showed 35% chance of having heart disease. By switching to a diet consisting of whole grains, fruits and vegetable, patients' blood cholesterol improved and the heart disease rate dropped dramatically. Dr. Campbell did a comprehensive study with other researchers that documented Chinese diet in rural China, compared their data with typical American diet to nail down the types of diet associated with cancer and they did experiments with rats to confirm their hypothesis. As this book is heavily substantiated with empirical studies, I would suggest this to be a MUST READ for anyone who is very concerned with his/her health.
The latest research according to Dr. William Li on http://www.ted.com/talks/william_li.html (a 20-min presentation back in Feb 2010 and in plain language) shows that we can indeed eat to reverse cancer. All of us have cancerous cells within our bodies. Even if the cancerous cells are activated due to mutation as we age, so long as the cancerous cells are not given the environment to grow, they will stay dormant. According to Dr. Willy Wang and another natural therapist Tay Swee How, another factor that contributes to cancer growth is the body's pH level. If one's body is more acidic, it is more likely for cancerous cells to thrive. So, we have to include food that helps to alkalise our body when broken down in the body in our daily diet. Dr. Susan E. Brown's The Acid Alkaline Food Guide provides simple explanations of pH effects on body and a long list of acid/alkaline food.
The Singapore National Cancer Centre is in the mainstream. The natural therapists are on the opposite end. I have met few natural therapists, and one of them, Dr. Willy Wang who did research in human tissues previously and who pioneered his health product known as Fit Solution, studied my most recent health screen report suggests that I need not go for chemotherapy. According to his theory, the reason why cancerous cells occur across multiple sites in the body is not because those at the primary site metastasise and grow into another location, but the weakening of the overall immune system and the need for the lymphocytes (the B-cells and T-cells that attack foreign bodies and infected cells respectively) to concentrate at one site. As our cancerous cells usually stay dormant, when the overall immune system weakens either through chemotherapy or other agents, we are giving the dormant cancerous cells a chance to become active. In another scenario, if the lymphocytes are drawn to one location, such as during a major operation when the operated site is exposed to bacteria, the other sites will have relatively less T-cells and B-cells and thus increases the likelihood of cancerous cells to become active. He suggests this is why many cancerous patients experience metastasis after chemotherapy, not before. This is the first time I heard such theory or perhaps simply an hypothesis with no supporting empirical evidence.
I also came across T. Colin Campbell's The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted, published in 2004 that documents strong correlation between animal-protein and cancer growth and other diseases. In his book, I am delighted to read that in studies done by Sir Richard Doll and Sir Richard Peto of the University of Oxford back in 1981, they concluded that 2-3% of all cancers are attributed to genes. Dr. Campbell did a wide range of research related to cancer for twenty-seven years with funding from U.S. National Institutes of Health, the American Cancer Society and the American Institute for Cancer Research that shows conclusively diet's relationship to cancer, and his research surprisingly led him to examine studies related to heart disease, autoimmune diseases, bone, kidney, eye and brain diseases. He found that those whose blood cholesterol were below 150 mg/dL did not report any heart disease (i.e. stroke, chest pain and heart attack), while those between 150-200 mg/dL showed 35% chance of having heart disease. By switching to a diet consisting of whole grains, fruits and vegetable, patients' blood cholesterol improved and the heart disease rate dropped dramatically. Dr. Campbell did a comprehensive study with other researchers that documented Chinese diet in rural China, compared their data with typical American diet to nail down the types of diet associated with cancer and they did experiments with rats to confirm their hypothesis. As this book is heavily substantiated with empirical studies, I would suggest this to be a MUST READ for anyone who is very concerned with his/her health.
The latest research according to Dr. William Li on http://www.ted.com/talks/william_li.html (a 20-min presentation back in Feb 2010 and in plain language) shows that we can indeed eat to reverse cancer. All of us have cancerous cells within our bodies. Even if the cancerous cells are activated due to mutation as we age, so long as the cancerous cells are not given the environment to grow, they will stay dormant. According to Dr. Willy Wang and another natural therapist Tay Swee How, another factor that contributes to cancer growth is the body's pH level. If one's body is more acidic, it is more likely for cancerous cells to thrive. So, we have to include food that helps to alkalise our body when broken down in the body in our daily diet. Dr. Susan E. Brown's The Acid Alkaline Food Guide provides simple explanations of pH effects on body and a long list of acid/alkaline food.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Loopholes in local advertisements
Recently, I have noticed loopholes in local advertisements, and I would like to highlight some of the pitfalls so that the viewers can be more discreet in selecting products/services.
One of the slimming advertisements claims to help the consumer shed 12.8 kg in ten weeks, assuming the consumer loses 1 kg per week. The formula in the slimming pill is supposed to suppress appetite by a certain percent while burning more calories by a certain percent. The numerical values seem to give the impression that this product has been scientifically proven or else how does the statistics come from? But the numerical values are no where supported in the advertisement. The spokesperson of this product is a well-known MediaCorp (Singapore's only media corporation) artiste and she made a few fallacies in representing this product. She claims to lose 2 kg in two weeks, and she has experienced no side effect after incorporating this product into her diet. Let's examine some of the fallacies in her claims:
As such, this slim-pill advertisement is not credible even if a local celebrity has been paid to represent it as its claims are not backed up substantially. This is not the only local advertisement with loopholes. There is a hair loss treatment center that engages two MediaCorp artistes to represent their center. However, I do not know of any news when these two artistes lost their hairs significantly (or perhaps they did not disclose it). There were no photos showing how their hairs looked like before treatment and after treatment. This advertisement is so funny because these two artistes seemed to have been picked up randomly to represent this treatment center.
I would suggest that in any advertisement that seeks to showcase the effects of its product, it should compare the participants before and after consumption/treatment. The participants ought to be those in need of the service or product rather than good-looking celebrities who are not in apparent need of this service/product. In any scientific studies, there will always be a group of participants studied over a period of stated time in order for the statistics to be deemed credible. In addition, there will almost always be additional clause like under what condition the effect is not being observed. If the local advertisement wants to employ statistics, it should adhere to a stringent requirement or else it should be classified as pseudo-science. I wish the local advertisements could be more critical in marketing their products and services.
If I were to vote for advertisements which are credible, I think my highest vote would go to Sensodyne and Colgate toothpaste (disclaimer: I do not earn any commission from Sensodyne or Colgate). Sensodyne claims that its product is effective against pain from cold water. Six participants with sensitive teeth were selected to rub the toothpaste against their teeth for 60 seconds before drinking cold water or eating ice cream, and their reactions were recorded (and of course, edited). As each of them verbalized the effectiveness of the toothpaste differently, this adds credibility to this product. Colgate on the other hand claims to be effective against bacteria on teeth. A Colgate representative asked a participant to have his/her teeth scanned for bacteria before using its toothpaste for a day and after using it in its advertisement. The result is obvious, and as the participant in each Colgate advertisement is different, this adds credibility to the product. I would suggest this type of advertisement to be the benchmark for any advertisement based on scientific claim(s).
One of the slimming advertisements claims to help the consumer shed 12.8 kg in ten weeks, assuming the consumer loses 1 kg per week. The formula in the slimming pill is supposed to suppress appetite by a certain percent while burning more calories by a certain percent. The numerical values seem to give the impression that this product has been scientifically proven or else how does the statistics come from? But the numerical values are no where supported in the advertisement. The spokesperson of this product is a well-known MediaCorp (Singapore's only media corporation) artiste and she made a few fallacies in representing this product. She claims to lose 2 kg in two weeks, and she has experienced no side effect after incorporating this product into her diet. Let's examine some of the fallacies in her claims:
- The product claims to help the consumer shed 12.8 kg in ten weeks, while she lost 2 kg in two weeks. Does that mean that in the other eight weeks, she did not experience any loss in weight? Or does it mean that she consumed the pills for only two weeks? If either one is true, she cannot really speak on behalf of the product.
- This spokesperson did not state how long she has been consuming the pill. This is important because the consumer who is taking the pill has the right to know any short-term side effects and long-term side effects. Previously, another local actress Andrea De Cruz took slimming pill containing a variant of fenfluramine, an appetite suppressant, for some time before her kidney failure in 2002, and she was only 28 years old then. So, when this spokesperson claims to experience no side-effect, she should add an additional clause of "after on this pill for how long".
- This spokesperson is already slim in the first place before representing the product. I would not have noticed any loss of weight even if she did not lose 2 kg. If there was a contrast like her weight before taking the pill consistently for ten weeks and after, this advertisement would be slightly more credible.
- If there were more participants testifying to have experienced weight loss during the trial period and listing all side effects during and after the trial period (which should include blood test for all organs functionality), then this advertisement would have passed its credibility test. According to Professor Leung Ping-chung, chairman of the Institute of Chinese Medicine at the Chinese University of Hong Kong, "What can be O.K. for a month can cause serious damage over the long term." (Refer to http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,333902,00.html#ixzz127CkSZ5g). This means that no side effect now does not imply no side effect in future.
As such, this slim-pill advertisement is not credible even if a local celebrity has been paid to represent it as its claims are not backed up substantially. This is not the only local advertisement with loopholes. There is a hair loss treatment center that engages two MediaCorp artistes to represent their center. However, I do not know of any news when these two artistes lost their hairs significantly (or perhaps they did not disclose it). There were no photos showing how their hairs looked like before treatment and after treatment. This advertisement is so funny because these two artistes seemed to have been picked up randomly to represent this treatment center.
I would suggest that in any advertisement that seeks to showcase the effects of its product, it should compare the participants before and after consumption/treatment. The participants ought to be those in need of the service or product rather than good-looking celebrities who are not in apparent need of this service/product. In any scientific studies, there will always be a group of participants studied over a period of stated time in order for the statistics to be deemed credible. In addition, there will almost always be additional clause like under what condition the effect is not being observed. If the local advertisement wants to employ statistics, it should adhere to a stringent requirement or else it should be classified as pseudo-science. I wish the local advertisements could be more critical in marketing their products and services.
If I were to vote for advertisements which are credible, I think my highest vote would go to Sensodyne and Colgate toothpaste (disclaimer: I do not earn any commission from Sensodyne or Colgate). Sensodyne claims that its product is effective against pain from cold water. Six participants with sensitive teeth were selected to rub the toothpaste against their teeth for 60 seconds before drinking cold water or eating ice cream, and their reactions were recorded (and of course, edited). As each of them verbalized the effectiveness of the toothpaste differently, this adds credibility to this product. Colgate on the other hand claims to be effective against bacteria on teeth. A Colgate representative asked a participant to have his/her teeth scanned for bacteria before using its toothpaste for a day and after using it in its advertisement. The result is obvious, and as the participant in each Colgate advertisement is different, this adds credibility to the product. I would suggest this type of advertisement to be the benchmark for any advertisement based on scientific claim(s).
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Toxic Food and Advertisement
Ever since I have been diagnosed with cancer, I have been reading books on food, and watched a close eye on the food I am consuming and the food advertisement on TV. I am amazed by how much advertisements the fast-food industry have invested in and the images they portray. Take for instance, to satisfy their customers, one of them has come up with "double-the-size" burger.
According to Dr. Susan Brown and Larry Triveri who did a comprehensive study on how food affects the pH levels in our body, almost all fast foods are acid-producing food. That means if you eat a fried fish sandwich, it will cause your body pH level to be more acidic. The body then has to make extra effort to restore the pH balance and leads to a depletion of alkali mineral reserves in the body. If this takes place over a period of time, the body will be more prone to various symptoms such as accelerated aging, increased production of free radicals, increased risk of kidney stone formation, more fertile breeding ground for many viruses (including cancer according to Andreas Moritz in his Cancer Is Not A Disease - It's A Survival Mechanism), etc. Dr. Brown and Triveri compiled many pages of guide to acidic/alkaline-producing food. Generally, most people suffer from overdose of acidosis-related problem and I just want to highlight the food that I used to indulge in fast-food restaurant below:
When I saw "double-the-size" burgers on TV, they no longer appeal to me. In fact, chicken/fish/beef sandwiches as listed by Dr. Brown and Trivieri are very acidic-producing food. I do not know how many burgers I had consumed in the past, particularly during the last three years I was in Boston. My cancer has forced me to re-examine my diet and to change my diet completely. The relation between food and health is affirmed by Colin Campbell's The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted. John Robbins, author of Diet for a New America, Reclaiming our Health and The Food Revolution said this in the foreword of Campbell's The China Study,
-John Robbins, Foreword in The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted by T. Colin Campbell and Thomas M. Campbell II.
No wonder many people are confused about food nutrition and health. Most food industry have portrayed a healthy image associated with their food. This also leads me to ponder on the ethic of food industry and advertisement. Does it mean that so long as the fast-food industry has the ability to buy an advertisement slot and so long as their food is not on the prohibited list of the local health authority, they are entitled to air their product, even if the product might lead to disease in the long run? Yes, I acknowledge that in the market economy, economic profit is the guideline for making economic decision. But what if economic profit comes at the expense of the consumers' health?
I am not here to challenge the local health authority, but at least I can raise the awareness (but whose awareness, I am wondering) between food nutrition and health through my blog and to speak from the ground of morality. The books I read and the studies I quoted by experts so far all testify the unhealthiness of fried food, and in my outline above, I pointed out the fast-food in particular. In the market economy, I suppose the consumers have to find out for ourselves what are really good for us through education and access to information despite the professional advertisements hitting us everyday.
According to Dr. Susan Brown and Larry Triveri who did a comprehensive study on how food affects the pH levels in our body, almost all fast foods are acid-producing food. That means if you eat a fried fish sandwich, it will cause your body pH level to be more acidic. The body then has to make extra effort to restore the pH balance and leads to a depletion of alkali mineral reserves in the body. If this takes place over a period of time, the body will be more prone to various symptoms such as accelerated aging, increased production of free radicals, increased risk of kidney stone formation, more fertile breeding ground for many viruses (including cancer according to Andreas Moritz in his Cancer Is Not A Disease - It's A Survival Mechanism), etc. Dr. Brown and Triveri compiled many pages of guide to acidic/alkaline-producing food. Generally, most people suffer from overdose of acidosis-related problem and I just want to highlight the food that I used to indulge in fast-food restaurant below:
Dr. Susan E. Brown and Larry Trivieri, Jr., The Acid Alkaline Food Guide: A Quick Reference to Foods & Their Effect on pH Levels (Garden City Park, NY: Squareone Publishers, 2006). pp. 162-3.
When I saw "double-the-size" burgers on TV, they no longer appeal to me. In fact, chicken/fish/beef sandwiches as listed by Dr. Brown and Trivieri are very acidic-producing food. I do not know how many burgers I had consumed in the past, particularly during the last three years I was in Boston. My cancer has forced me to re-examine my diet and to change my diet completely. The relation between food and health is affirmed by Colin Campbell's The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted. John Robbins, author of Diet for a New America, Reclaiming our Health and The Food Revolution said this in the foreword of Campbell's The China Study,
You pick up an issue of National Geographic Kids, a magazine published by the National Geographic Society "for ages six and up," expecting to find wholesome reading for youngsters. The pages, however, are filled with ads for Twinkies, M&Ms, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, Hostess Cup Cakes and Xtreme Jell-O Pudding Sticks.
This is what scientists and food activists at Yale University call a toxic food environment. It is the environment in which most of us live today.
The inescapable fact is that certain people are making an awful lot of money today selling foods that are unhealthy. They want you to keep eating the foods they sell, even though doing so makes you fat, depletes your vitality and shortens and degrades your life. They want you docile, compliant and ignorant. They do not want you informed, active and passionately alive, and they are quite willing to spend billions of dollars annually to accomplish their goals.
-John Robbins, Foreword in The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted by T. Colin Campbell and Thomas M. Campbell II.
No wonder many people are confused about food nutrition and health. Most food industry have portrayed a healthy image associated with their food. This also leads me to ponder on the ethic of food industry and advertisement. Does it mean that so long as the fast-food industry has the ability to buy an advertisement slot and so long as their food is not on the prohibited list of the local health authority, they are entitled to air their product, even if the product might lead to disease in the long run? Yes, I acknowledge that in the market economy, economic profit is the guideline for making economic decision. But what if economic profit comes at the expense of the consumers' health?
I am not here to challenge the local health authority, but at least I can raise the awareness (but whose awareness, I am wondering) between food nutrition and health through my blog and to speak from the ground of morality. The books I read and the studies I quoted by experts so far all testify the unhealthiness of fried food, and in my outline above, I pointed out the fast-food in particular. In the market economy, I suppose the consumers have to find out for ourselves what are really good for us through education and access to information despite the professional advertisements hitting us everyday.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Finding my voice in the book of Job
I have been wrestling with God since I have slowly regained my strength after my operation. As I was reading the book of Job from the Message Bible few days ago, Job gave me voices to some of my cries:
Job 3:23-26
What's the point of life when it doesn't make sense, when God blocks all the roads to meaning?
"Instead of bread I get groans for my supper,then leave the table and vomit my anguish.
The worst of my fears has come true, what I've dreaded most has happened.
My repose is shattered, my peace destroyed. No rest for me, ever—death has invaded life."
(The Message)
Job 6:11
Where's the strength to keep my hopes up? What future do I have to keep me going?
(The Message)
The beautiful part of Job is not in the ending where God blesses him more than before nor is it in the beginning where the challenge between God and Satan takes place, but in Job's courage to wrestle with God, to question why he is suffering, and to challenge his friends' wisdom. As I prepare myself for the coming chemo plan, I have also asked whether God is punishing me for all the misdeeds I had done in the past. I feel like God is squashing me. I feel like "The arrows of God Almighty are in me, poison arrows—and I'm poisoned all through!" (Job 6:3) I have no future to look forward to, even though deep in my heart I look so much forward to healing, whether through chemo, or natural juice or Chinese herbs or through God's direct intervention. My pain and suffering does not make sense, just like the pain and suffering of many others which do not make sense. Eugene Peterson said it well in his introduction to the book of Job that suffering is harder to comprehend for those who believe in God. Two weeks back, I learned that I inherit a gene that leads to higher risk of kidney cancer, and I don't understand why I inherit this in the first place. Perhaps God's design is flawed and He has designed this world to be broken so that the beauty that shines through this brokenness is more amazing than a flawless one. God has put in place His physical laws in place after the Big Bang. As living cells evolve into more complex beings, our existence in this limited time-space dimension also inherently meant that we are built to live with imperfections and mutations, with disease, illness, death.
How then do I understand the word "good' and "very good" in the first two chapters of Genesis? I would suggest that "good" does not mean perfect, but when God's creation progressed from formless chaos to light on the first day, to separation of sky and sea on the second, to dry land and plants on the third, to appearance of heavenly bodies to inhabit the sky on the fourth, to living creatures to populate the seas and air on the fifth, and the earth on the sixth, all these are described as good. The appearance of human beings as the apex of creation are marked as very good. The adjectives "good" and "very good" do not tell us anything much about evolution but the emergence of order and complex organisms from chaos is qualified as "good" and finally "very good" by the biblical author. The biblical author further understands death to result from disobedience to Jehovah. The text was written in premodern society and probably in the exilic period. The modern readers will probably ask whether this story is literally true. I am of the inclination that this text informs me of God's sovereignty and power over all creation, and further instructs me that there is only one Creator. I do not read the text literally as though there were six days of creation and death entered the world at a definite time. I am more comfortable believing that every living creature has a limited lifespan at the moment of creation, and it is through a long convoluted process of evolution that human beings come into existence. God oversaw this whole process and gave living creatures the freedom to be. It is in this context that I think God has designed this world to be broken in the first place. Diseases, death, mutations, illnesses are part of our structure and it seems like suffering is not to eliminated but ironically, to be dignified while creating space for God to continue speaking to us at our existential moment. This does not mean that I endorse suffering, in fact, I wish there were no sufferings. If suffering cannot be avoided, it has be manged, and within God's community of people, suffering can contained, honored and dignified. Precisely because our God enters into our suffering in Jesus Christ, God sees and shares our pain and suffering. Followers of Christ are similarly called to share suffering together, while hoping and working towards a day when suffering will be of no more, because God's creation has been transformed and we are in the everlasting presence of our glorious eternal God.
Job 3:23-26
What's the point of life when it doesn't make sense, when God blocks all the roads to meaning?
"Instead of bread I get groans for my supper,then leave the table and vomit my anguish.
The worst of my fears has come true, what I've dreaded most has happened.
My repose is shattered, my peace destroyed. No rest for me, ever—death has invaded life."
(The Message)
Job 6:11
Where's the strength to keep my hopes up? What future do I have to keep me going?
(The Message)
The beautiful part of Job is not in the ending where God blesses him more than before nor is it in the beginning where the challenge between God and Satan takes place, but in Job's courage to wrestle with God, to question why he is suffering, and to challenge his friends' wisdom. As I prepare myself for the coming chemo plan, I have also asked whether God is punishing me for all the misdeeds I had done in the past. I feel like God is squashing me. I feel like "The arrows of God Almighty are in me, poison arrows—and I'm poisoned all through!" (Job 6:3) I have no future to look forward to, even though deep in my heart I look so much forward to healing, whether through chemo, or natural juice or Chinese herbs or through God's direct intervention. My pain and suffering does not make sense, just like the pain and suffering of many others which do not make sense. Eugene Peterson said it well in his introduction to the book of Job that suffering is harder to comprehend for those who believe in God. Two weeks back, I learned that I inherit a gene that leads to higher risk of kidney cancer, and I don't understand why I inherit this in the first place. Perhaps God's design is flawed and He has designed this world to be broken so that the beauty that shines through this brokenness is more amazing than a flawless one. God has put in place His physical laws in place after the Big Bang. As living cells evolve into more complex beings, our existence in this limited time-space dimension also inherently meant that we are built to live with imperfections and mutations, with disease, illness, death.
How then do I understand the word "good' and "very good" in the first two chapters of Genesis? I would suggest that "good" does not mean perfect, but when God's creation progressed from formless chaos to light on the first day, to separation of sky and sea on the second, to dry land and plants on the third, to appearance of heavenly bodies to inhabit the sky on the fourth, to living creatures to populate the seas and air on the fifth, and the earth on the sixth, all these are described as good. The appearance of human beings as the apex of creation are marked as very good. The adjectives "good" and "very good" do not tell us anything much about evolution but the emergence of order and complex organisms from chaos is qualified as "good" and finally "very good" by the biblical author. The biblical author further understands death to result from disobedience to Jehovah. The text was written in premodern society and probably in the exilic period. The modern readers will probably ask whether this story is literally true. I am of the inclination that this text informs me of God's sovereignty and power over all creation, and further instructs me that there is only one Creator. I do not read the text literally as though there were six days of creation and death entered the world at a definite time. I am more comfortable believing that every living creature has a limited lifespan at the moment of creation, and it is through a long convoluted process of evolution that human beings come into existence. God oversaw this whole process and gave living creatures the freedom to be. It is in this context that I think God has designed this world to be broken in the first place. Diseases, death, mutations, illnesses are part of our structure and it seems like suffering is not to eliminated but ironically, to be dignified while creating space for God to continue speaking to us at our existential moment. This does not mean that I endorse suffering, in fact, I wish there were no sufferings. If suffering cannot be avoided, it has be manged, and within God's community of people, suffering can contained, honored and dignified. Precisely because our God enters into our suffering in Jesus Christ, God sees and shares our pain and suffering. Followers of Christ are similarly called to share suffering together, while hoping and working towards a day when suffering will be of no more, because God's creation has been transformed and we are in the everlasting presence of our glorious eternal God.
Living with a grim prognosis
I had my operation at Singapore General Hospital (SGH) on 9 Sep'10 to remove my primary tumour and right kidney. I was so weak after the operation that I had to depend on others for shower in the next two days, and to get up from my bed on my own in the next four days. I had almost no abdominal muscle at all in the one week after the operation. I had to live with the pain and woke up almost every night in the next three weeks. However, I am slowly regaining my strength with each passing week. I went back to SGH to remove the twenty-nine staples across my abdomen on 1 Oct'10, as well as to consult my urologist on my prognosis. My urologist, Prof. Christopher Cheng, advised me of three possible scenarios:
1) My remaining cancerous cells are confined within the lymph nodes on my neck, and the chemotherapy will shrink them and will make it safe enough for a surgery to remove them next year. This is the best case scenario, but not likely to happen.
2) There are cancerous cells lurking in the rest of my lymph nodes and they do not respond to the chemo and will invade the other organs in my body. This is the worst case scenario, but not likely to happen too.
3) The cancerous cells will react to the drug used in chemo and shrink. However, after the end of chemo, they will grow back again. Then a second type of drug will be employed to shrink these cells as they might be immune to the first drug. I will also be considered for clinical trial. This process will repeat until the type of drugs are exhausted. This method will probably prolong my life for one year to one year and a half, and is the most likely scenario.
He also shared with me some cases which are out of the ordinary. He has a kidney cancer patient who ought to have died ten years ago but is living well today. He has another kidney cancer patient who did not have recurrent symptom in the last fifteen years until recently when the dormant kidney cancerous cells spread to the nose. From Western medicine point of view, if a patient has survived beyond five years, the cancer is considered 99% cured. If beyond ten years, he/she is considered 99.9% cured. His general advice for me is to stay optimistic and to pray hard, for my future is still unknown despite of the statistics. His prognosis for me is similar to the specialists' whom I consulted at Massachusetts General Hospital two months ago. The good news is that my operation has removed up to 90% of my tumour load, and I am recovering well. Prof. Bin-Tean Teh is using with my tumour tissue to cultivate cell-line to test for drug reaction. I was told by Prof. Cheng that this is a patented technique which is not available at Mass General Hosp yet. Sound like I came back to Singapore at the right time. I had also donated my blood for other cancer research projects.
Ever since I have been informed that my kidney cancer is hereditary in nature, I started asking God "why me?" It took me some time to absorb the fact that I am a high risk cancer patient, which means and no matter what I did in the past, I am still more likely to develop cancer. It also occurred to me there are countless victims who suffered or are suffering for no apparent reason. The Hong Kong hostages killed in Manila two months back were innocent victims. The Polish tourists who died two weeks ago on their way back from Germany when their bus crashed were also innocent victims. The flood victims suffering in Pakistan are innocent too. So are those who are born handicapped and challenged in one way or another. I am not able to comprehend why Jesus says "Neither this man nor his parents sinned; he was born blind so that God’s works might be revealed in him" in John 9:3. How are God's works manifested in people who suffered for no apparent reason? I once thought I knew the answer until I myself am struck with cancer. I once assumed that God's works would be manifested through the response of others. Now, I no longer find this assumption adequate. I was struggling hard with this question again until I came across Eugene Peterson's introduction to the book of Job in his translated Bible (I still struggle but with less intensity). Below are three paragraphs which are particularly helpful to me:
Eugene Peterson does not answer why one suffers but at least through his passage, I am able to imagine a God who not only sees our suffering, but shares our pain. Suffering can be dignified and creates a space for God to speak to me existentially. I pray that I could experience God speaking to me once again in the midst of my own pain and suffering, even though I may not know why I inherit a defective gene. I do not know why I am struck with cancer at a young age and before I could continue on with my second Master degree in theology, but I am comforted knowing that God shares my pain and suffering. I am also comforted to be surrounded by people called to be the church, who are also called to be Christ's witness till the end of time. There are so many unknowns, including why Senior Minister of State for Foreign Affairs Dr Balaji Sadasivan died of colon cancer at the age of 55 last week, but to live in the unknown and to trust that God is walking with me is a walk of faith.
I have been asked hypothetically many times what I would do if Jesus Christ were to return tonight: I would continue to live the same way I am living now. Now, I am living with another set of question: If Christ were to return any time, and I have one more year to live, how would I live? I would like to spend time with my family members, read theological books and to take local theological class if possible, correspond through email, update my blog, worship together with my brothers and sisters, enjoy fellowship together, and to continue staying hopeful that I will be physically healed, whether through chemotherapy, Chinese herbs or natural juices. I will also continue to keep you posted on my medical condition. My appointment with my oncologist at National Cancer Centre to discuss my chemo plan is on 18 Oct (Mon).
Lastly, there are three video clips in Mandarin on Youtube about a Taiwanese neurosurgeon who was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer eight years ago, was told he would not live more than three years, and is still alive and well today. I am learning to live with the gift of living in the unknown.
1) My remaining cancerous cells are confined within the lymph nodes on my neck, and the chemotherapy will shrink them and will make it safe enough for a surgery to remove them next year. This is the best case scenario, but not likely to happen.
2) There are cancerous cells lurking in the rest of my lymph nodes and they do not respond to the chemo and will invade the other organs in my body. This is the worst case scenario, but not likely to happen too.
3) The cancerous cells will react to the drug used in chemo and shrink. However, after the end of chemo, they will grow back again. Then a second type of drug will be employed to shrink these cells as they might be immune to the first drug. I will also be considered for clinical trial. This process will repeat until the type of drugs are exhausted. This method will probably prolong my life for one year to one year and a half, and is the most likely scenario.
He also shared with me some cases which are out of the ordinary. He has a kidney cancer patient who ought to have died ten years ago but is living well today. He has another kidney cancer patient who did not have recurrent symptom in the last fifteen years until recently when the dormant kidney cancerous cells spread to the nose. From Western medicine point of view, if a patient has survived beyond five years, the cancer is considered 99% cured. If beyond ten years, he/she is considered 99.9% cured. His general advice for me is to stay optimistic and to pray hard, for my future is still unknown despite of the statistics. His prognosis for me is similar to the specialists' whom I consulted at Massachusetts General Hospital two months ago. The good news is that my operation has removed up to 90% of my tumour load, and I am recovering well. Prof. Bin-Tean Teh is using with my tumour tissue to cultivate cell-line to test for drug reaction. I was told by Prof. Cheng that this is a patented technique which is not available at Mass General Hosp yet. Sound like I came back to Singapore at the right time. I had also donated my blood for other cancer research projects.
Ever since I have been informed that my kidney cancer is hereditary in nature, I started asking God "why me?" It took me some time to absorb the fact that I am a high risk cancer patient, which means and no matter what I did in the past, I am still more likely to develop cancer. It also occurred to me there are countless victims who suffered or are suffering for no apparent reason. The Hong Kong hostages killed in Manila two months back were innocent victims. The Polish tourists who died two weeks ago on their way back from Germany when their bus crashed were also innocent victims. The flood victims suffering in Pakistan are innocent too. So are those who are born handicapped and challenged in one way or another. I am not able to comprehend why Jesus says "Neither this man nor his parents sinned; he was born blind so that God’s works might be revealed in him" in John 9:3. How are God's works manifested in people who suffered for no apparent reason? I once thought I knew the answer until I myself am struck with cancer. I once assumed that God's works would be manifested through the response of others. Now, I no longer find this assumption adequate. I was struggling hard with this question again until I came across Eugene Peterson's introduction to the book of Job in his translated Bible (I still struggle but with less intensity). Below are three paragraphs which are particularly helpful to me:
... the ironic fact of the matter is that more often than not, people do not suffer less when they are committed to following God, but more. When these people go through suffering, their lives are often transformed, deepened, marked with beauty and holiness, in remarkable ways that could never have been anticipated before the suffering.
... sometimes it's hard to know just how to follow Job's lead when we feel so alone in our suffering, unsure of what God wants us to do. What we must realize during those times of darkness is that the God who appeared to Job in the whirlwind is calling out to all of us. Although God may not appear to us in a vision, he makes himself known to us in all the many ways that he describes to Job—from the macro to the micro, from the wonders of the galaxies to the little things we take for granted. He is the Creator of the unfathomable universe all around us—and he is also the Creator of the universe inside of us. And so we gain hope—not from the darkness of our suffering, not from pat answers in books, but from the God who sees our suffering and shares our pain.
... Every time we let Job give voice to our own questions, our suffering gains in dignity and we are brought a step closer to the threshold of the voice and mystery of God. Every time we persist with Job in rejecting the quick-fix counsel of people who see us and hear us but do not understand us, we deepen our availability and openness to the revelation that comes only out of the tempest ... We realize that suffering calls our lives into question, not God's. The tables are turned: God-Alive is present to us. God is speaking to us. And so Job's experience is confirmed and repeated once again in our suffering and our vulnerable humanity. (Eugene Peterson, THE MESSAGE REMIX: The Bible in Contemporary Language. 2006. pp. 651-2).
Eugene Peterson does not answer why one suffers but at least through his passage, I am able to imagine a God who not only sees our suffering, but shares our pain. Suffering can be dignified and creates a space for God to speak to me existentially. I pray that I could experience God speaking to me once again in the midst of my own pain and suffering, even though I may not know why I inherit a defective gene. I do not know why I am struck with cancer at a young age and before I could continue on with my second Master degree in theology, but I am comforted knowing that God shares my pain and suffering. I am also comforted to be surrounded by people called to be the church, who are also called to be Christ's witness till the end of time. There are so many unknowns, including why Senior Minister of State for Foreign Affairs Dr Balaji Sadasivan died of colon cancer at the age of 55 last week, but to live in the unknown and to trust that God is walking with me is a walk of faith.
I have been asked hypothetically many times what I would do if Jesus Christ were to return tonight: I would continue to live the same way I am living now. Now, I am living with another set of question: If Christ were to return any time, and I have one more year to live, how would I live? I would like to spend time with my family members, read theological books and to take local theological class if possible, correspond through email, update my blog, worship together with my brothers and sisters, enjoy fellowship together, and to continue staying hopeful that I will be physically healed, whether through chemotherapy, Chinese herbs or natural juices. I will also continue to keep you posted on my medical condition. My appointment with my oncologist at National Cancer Centre to discuss my chemo plan is on 18 Oct (Mon).
Lastly, there are three video clips in Mandarin on Youtube about a Taiwanese neurosurgeon who was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer eight years ago, was told he would not live more than three years, and is still alive and well today. I am learning to live with the gift of living in the unknown.
A crane in Chinese Garden
Learning to hope from Shrek forever after
On my flight back to Singapore from Boston on 12 Aug'10, I asked myself what hope am I holding on to, and I happened to watch Shrek forever after while in-flight. In this animated movie, Shrek chooses to allow an evil witch to remove one day of his life in his contract. After signing the contract, Shrek discovers that everything has changed and he seeks to reverse it, and the only way he could reverse it is by claiming back his true love with his wife, Fiona who now no longer recognizes him. Shrek has only one day to live and during his last few breathes, Fiona holds him in her arms and while Shrek slowly fades away. Shrek confesses his satisfaction to have loved Fiona, and that is enough for him. This scene has several implications for me.
Through my clinical pastoral education program, I understand each and everyone of us to be part of God's broken body in the world. We are not a perfect community, but a broken body. We come together as God's broken community to allow God's beauty to speak through our brokenness. We are part of God's grand story in the unfolding space and time. Even if I were to depart early one day, I am still part of God's grand story and God's broken community consisting of both the living and the departed. All of us carry stories of both the living and the departed. The departed are in a place somewhere within God's memory, and alive in the memories of the living. I am hopeful that the hope that within me will continue to be passed on within God's community, that the people whom I have touched will continue to touch others while the stories they have confided in me are carried on within me.
In the brief space and time that I may have, I have loved and being loved; I have ministered to others and being ministered to by others; I have taught others and being taught by others; I have been shaped and transformed while being in a relationship and walked together with many of you in this brief space and time. We have shared our stories of brokenness and about we who are, and have witnessed how we embody God's broken community on earth. I am very satisfied to have walked this journey together with you, and I am hopeful that God will hold each and everyone of us no matter where we are. To quote directly from apostle Paul "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom 8:38-39, NRSV) Saint Augustine of Hippo taught me that there are three objects in a love relationship: the lover, the beloved and love itself. Since death will not separate one (the beloved) from God's love (the lover and love itself) manifested in Jesus Christ, I believe the departed continue to constitute God's broken community which we will get to greet and see on the day of the final resurrection. With that hope, I would like to celebrate each day God has given me.
Perhaps, it is only in the midst of my illness that I am able to slow down my pace and to spend quality time with my family members; I could reflect on my life and to question myself who I really am; I will treasure each day and the gift of being alive; I learn to value so deeply my wife, my mother, and my immediate family members including my eighteen-month old nephew; I learn to walk in faith and to trust God to guide me even in the midst of this great unknown; and to finally read books that I had wanted to read but could not in the past due to academic coursework and working schedule.
Through my clinical pastoral education program, I understand each and everyone of us to be part of God's broken body in the world. We are not a perfect community, but a broken body. We come together as God's broken community to allow God's beauty to speak through our brokenness. We are part of God's grand story in the unfolding space and time. Even if I were to depart early one day, I am still part of God's grand story and God's broken community consisting of both the living and the departed. All of us carry stories of both the living and the departed. The departed are in a place somewhere within God's memory, and alive in the memories of the living. I am hopeful that the hope that within me will continue to be passed on within God's community, that the people whom I have touched will continue to touch others while the stories they have confided in me are carried on within me.
In the brief space and time that I may have, I have loved and being loved; I have ministered to others and being ministered to by others; I have taught others and being taught by others; I have been shaped and transformed while being in a relationship and walked together with many of you in this brief space and time. We have shared our stories of brokenness and about we who are, and have witnessed how we embody God's broken community on earth. I am very satisfied to have walked this journey together with you, and I am hopeful that God will hold each and everyone of us no matter where we are. To quote directly from apostle Paul "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom 8:38-39, NRSV) Saint Augustine of Hippo taught me that there are three objects in a love relationship: the lover, the beloved and love itself. Since death will not separate one (the beloved) from God's love (the lover and love itself) manifested in Jesus Christ, I believe the departed continue to constitute God's broken community which we will get to greet and see on the day of the final resurrection. With that hope, I would like to celebrate each day God has given me.
Perhaps, it is only in the midst of my illness that I am able to slow down my pace and to spend quality time with my family members; I could reflect on my life and to question myself who I really am; I will treasure each day and the gift of being alive; I learn to value so deeply my wife, my mother, and my immediate family members including my eighteen-month old nephew; I learn to walk in faith and to trust God to guide me even in the midst of this great unknown; and to finally read books that I had wanted to read but could not in the past due to academic coursework and working schedule.
Diagnosed with kidney cancer
I have been reflecting on what has happened to me within the last three months. When I graduated from Boston University School of Theology on 16 May 2010 with Master of Divinity, I was awarded with cum laude. I started my internship as a chaplain on 1 June 2010 at Massachusetts General Hospital, one of U.S. top five hospitals. I was about to proceed on to a second master theological degree program at Boston College, the largest Catholic academic theological institution in U.S., with a substantial tuition scholarship on 7 Sep 2010. I thought I was right on track to be an academic theological scholar. All these changed radically on 26 Jul 2010, when my general physician told me that I had been diagnosed with a kidney cancer. Further testing revealed the size and spread of my tumour and confirmed my cancer to be in stage four. I went through emotional rollercoaster with my wife and my immediate family members in those few weeks. Suddenly, life was not as orderly as I would like it to be. I am no longer in control of my own life (as if I was really in control at all even before the diagnosis). Now, I cannot imagine how future is like and I am living in the great unknown. If the surgery or the chemotherapy is not a success, my lifespan will be severely curtailed. However, even if the surgery is successful, and my chemotherapy shrunk all detectable tumours, I will be living in the shadow of recurrent cancer from now on. I no longer have the courage to venture overseas again for theological education. It is too great a risk to take for a cancerous person (or should I use the word "patient"?) like me. Will there be any church who would want me as their minister? I simply do not have an answer. Now, I am learning to give thanks when I woke up each day, grateful to be still alive, grateful to be in the presence of my immediate family members. I am learning to relay totally on God and God's community once again. I am not in control, God is.
I used to be in parish ministry teaching adult Sunday school, preaching in the pulpit or facilitating Bible study in the last fifteen months before I returned back to Singapore. I used to be a chaplain intern providing pastoral care for my patients for about ten weeks during my CPE. Suddenly, the rug was pulled out from under my feet. I am struggling to stand up again, trying to discover my new identity and my new role. I have become the receiving end of pastoral care while still being sensitive to the needs of others. If I can still call my reaching out to others a ministry, it will be a mutual ministry to each other. Just three weeks ago after I came back from Boston, I was waiting for my bus at Jurong Point bus interchange, I witnessed an Indian lady rebuking two foreign workers who blocked her way in the queue. She scolded them saying "Hello! How can others go in when you are blocking the way?" The two workers moved obediently to join the gap in the queue, and the lady continued "Use your common sense lah! Other people also want to queue up, right?" I stood there laughing to myself as I was put in touch with the familiar Singlish and Singaporeans' mannerism once again, and I knew distinctly that this is my home. If God has intervened in my theological education in such a way and is calling me back to ministry in Singapore indirectly, this is the group of people whom God would be calling me to minister to. Yes, ministering to my fellow Singaporeans. As to how and in what way, I do not yet know at this moment, but in the process of crafting this message, I could see how I am trying to minister in a different way. How?
When I heard our Prime Minister's National Day Rally Speech on 29 Aug 2010, his speech consists of measures to boost the economy and productivity, to control property prices, to streamline the education system further; justifies the needs for foreign talents and foreign workers, ways to control influx of foreign workers. In his showcase of Singaporeans' productivity, SembCorp and Keppel are highlighted as the two companies who provided solutions to the BP's oil spill in the Mexican Gulf. This is a phenomenal achievement coming from a small island-state like S'pore, and I do feel proud to be a Singaporean. The rally speech also celebrates the success of hosting the first Youth Olympic Game in spite of spending three times the budget. The decrease of birthrate was briefly mentioned. In short, this is a message celebrating S'pore achievements and inspiring hopes for the future of S'pore. The speech has been carefully crafted, and similarly, in the parish context, I do often hear messages and read carefully crafted newsletters and bulletins celebrating a ministry's success or someone's achievements, and inspiration to continue trusting in God and to point out evidences of God's blessing in the church. This mentality is similarly replicated in individual's setting (This seems to emulate Confucius' model of cascading virtues from the rulers down to the commoners). I have heard a lot of praises and thanksgiving to God because one has been promoted, or one's child has entered an elite stream or school, or one has been blessed materially, etc. (I am not saying one ought not to give thanks. It is only right to give thanks to God). One's failing or the ministry's lack of breakthrough is quickly glossed over or totally avoided in conversation, in newsletter or in the pulpit. Being brought up in such culture, I found it hard for me as a chaplain to empathize with my patients initially and I was quick to move beyond my patient's lack of strength and to lacquer layers of superficial assurance such as "Don't worry, you will make it." Some patients may appreciate it, but some will not. When my supervisor at my chaplain internship site observed me one day, she pointed this out to me, and we discussed my behaviour together. I realized how my upbringing conditioned me to actually avoid talking about pain, suffering, failures, and vulnerabilities.
When I reflected biblically, I could easily recall Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane; Jesus' cry on the cross "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me"; Peter's own denial of Jesus; the disciples' failure when Jesus was arrested; Paul's confession of taking part in the killing of Stephen and persecution of other Christians; the disciple John's bad temper; Abraham's cowardice when being confronted by Pharaoh and later by King Abimelech over Sarah; Moses' failure to enter the promised land; Joshua's incompetency in preparing the next generation of leaders; David's adultery, etc. The pain, suffering, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities of biblical figures are endless, and a strong reason why the biblical authors did not omit these out is to show us how God encounters authentic people and works with our pain, suffering, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. In other words, fellowship will be more authentic if we dare to speak of our own foolishness, and to confess our own ignorance. On a deeper level, within a safe and guarded space, if our pain and our vulnerabilities could be shared and contained, one's journey with a fellow sojourner-in-Christ would be even more authentic. However such sharing has to be done within a mature context to ensure one's vulnerabilities will not be abused by others and for further ministry to take place. Our journey in-Christ calls us not only to celebrate our lives together, but to also honour the authenticity of each individual as being made in God's image and to walk together as God's called community on earth.
I could have stopped at the first paragraph asking for prayer support, but I continued on to reveal my own vulnerability in the hope of showing that Christ's body does consist of broken members who gather not only to celebrate our lives together but also to minister to each other through our own brokenness.
May the LORD our God, whose body was broken for us and whose blood was spilled for us, be with you.
I used to be in parish ministry teaching adult Sunday school, preaching in the pulpit or facilitating Bible study in the last fifteen months before I returned back to Singapore. I used to be a chaplain intern providing pastoral care for my patients for about ten weeks during my CPE. Suddenly, the rug was pulled out from under my feet. I am struggling to stand up again, trying to discover my new identity and my new role. I have become the receiving end of pastoral care while still being sensitive to the needs of others. If I can still call my reaching out to others a ministry, it will be a mutual ministry to each other. Just three weeks ago after I came back from Boston, I was waiting for my bus at Jurong Point bus interchange, I witnessed an Indian lady rebuking two foreign workers who blocked her way in the queue. She scolded them saying "Hello! How can others go in when you are blocking the way?" The two workers moved obediently to join the gap in the queue, and the lady continued "Use your common sense lah! Other people also want to queue up, right?" I stood there laughing to myself as I was put in touch with the familiar Singlish and Singaporeans' mannerism once again, and I knew distinctly that this is my home. If God has intervened in my theological education in such a way and is calling me back to ministry in Singapore indirectly, this is the group of people whom God would be calling me to minister to. Yes, ministering to my fellow Singaporeans. As to how and in what way, I do not yet know at this moment, but in the process of crafting this message, I could see how I am trying to minister in a different way. How?
When I heard our Prime Minister's National Day Rally Speech on 29 Aug 2010, his speech consists of measures to boost the economy and productivity, to control property prices, to streamline the education system further; justifies the needs for foreign talents and foreign workers, ways to control influx of foreign workers. In his showcase of Singaporeans' productivity, SembCorp and Keppel are highlighted as the two companies who provided solutions to the BP's oil spill in the Mexican Gulf. This is a phenomenal achievement coming from a small island-state like S'pore, and I do feel proud to be a Singaporean. The rally speech also celebrates the success of hosting the first Youth Olympic Game in spite of spending three times the budget. The decrease of birthrate was briefly mentioned. In short, this is a message celebrating S'pore achievements and inspiring hopes for the future of S'pore. The speech has been carefully crafted, and similarly, in the parish context, I do often hear messages and read carefully crafted newsletters and bulletins celebrating a ministry's success or someone's achievements, and inspiration to continue trusting in God and to point out evidences of God's blessing in the church. This mentality is similarly replicated in individual's setting (This seems to emulate Confucius' model of cascading virtues from the rulers down to the commoners). I have heard a lot of praises and thanksgiving to God because one has been promoted, or one's child has entered an elite stream or school, or one has been blessed materially, etc. (I am not saying one ought not to give thanks. It is only right to give thanks to God). One's failing or the ministry's lack of breakthrough is quickly glossed over or totally avoided in conversation, in newsletter or in the pulpit. Being brought up in such culture, I found it hard for me as a chaplain to empathize with my patients initially and I was quick to move beyond my patient's lack of strength and to lacquer layers of superficial assurance such as "Don't worry, you will make it." Some patients may appreciate it, but some will not. When my supervisor at my chaplain internship site observed me one day, she pointed this out to me, and we discussed my behaviour together. I realized how my upbringing conditioned me to actually avoid talking about pain, suffering, failures, and vulnerabilities.
When I reflected biblically, I could easily recall Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane; Jesus' cry on the cross "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me"; Peter's own denial of Jesus; the disciples' failure when Jesus was arrested; Paul's confession of taking part in the killing of Stephen and persecution of other Christians; the disciple John's bad temper; Abraham's cowardice when being confronted by Pharaoh and later by King Abimelech over Sarah; Moses' failure to enter the promised land; Joshua's incompetency in preparing the next generation of leaders; David's adultery, etc. The pain, suffering, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities of biblical figures are endless, and a strong reason why the biblical authors did not omit these out is to show us how God encounters authentic people and works with our pain, suffering, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. In other words, fellowship will be more authentic if we dare to speak of our own foolishness, and to confess our own ignorance. On a deeper level, within a safe and guarded space, if our pain and our vulnerabilities could be shared and contained, one's journey with a fellow sojourner-in-Christ would be even more authentic. However such sharing has to be done within a mature context to ensure one's vulnerabilities will not be abused by others and for further ministry to take place. Our journey in-Christ calls us not only to celebrate our lives together, but to also honour the authenticity of each individual as being made in God's image and to walk together as God's called community on earth.
I could have stopped at the first paragraph asking for prayer support, but I continued on to reveal my own vulnerability in the hope of showing that Christ's body does consist of broken members who gather not only to celebrate our lives together but also to minister to each other through our own brokenness.
May the LORD our God, whose body was broken for us and whose blood was spilled for us, be with you.
The decision to disclose my critical illness
Ever since the month of May, I have not updated my blog. As what a person writes is an outflow with who he/she is, I believe what I write from this point forth has been decisively colored by the diagnosis and treatment of my critical illness. It is therefore at this point that I decide to disclose my critical illness on my blog for few purposes:
1) My verbalization of my inner journey will lend a voice to others in the same predicament;
2) To update my friends about my current medical condition;
3) As an outlet to air my fear, frustration, joy, thankfulness, feelings and thoughts in the span of the limited time I have.
Having said all these, to be able to write on my blog again require courage and energy which I am slowly picking up.
1) My verbalization of my inner journey will lend a voice to others in the same predicament;
2) To update my friends about my current medical condition;
3) As an outlet to air my fear, frustration, joy, thankfulness, feelings and thoughts in the span of the limited time I have.
Having said all these, to be able to write on my blog again require courage and energy which I am slowly picking up.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Am I constructing an idol?
During the last one week, I was reading Karen Armstrong's The Case for God, borrowed from the Boston Public Library. It was a really good read. In the book, Karen Armstrong raises a valid question of constructing an idol. Previously, I thought money or friends or spouse or kids could be an idol if it or he/she takes precedent over God. Armstrong points out that by confining God within our framework, we could similarly be constructing an idol.
This brings to my mind the Westminster Shorter Catechism,
Q4: What is God?
A. God is a Spirit, infinite, eternal and unchangeable, in his being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth.
There are traditionally two ways to describe God. The first is perhaps univocal way. By comparing what we know about a person and compare that similarity with God. That is to say, this person is wise, but God is infinitely wiser. This person is good. God is the absolute goodness.
The second way is the equivocal way, i.e. to disavow the similarity. That is to say there is nothing we know on earth that is comparable to God, which means we can only say what God is not. For e.g. God is not a liar. God is not this. Thomas Aquinas adopts this line of thought and goes further saying that our language about God is analogical. Since God is not this, we can say that God is like something. For e.g. God is strong like a rock, but God is not a rock. God oversees us like a shepherd taking care of his flock, but God is not that shepherd.
(There is a third way, which is not so well-known, called mysticism. This approach believes that since God is beyond our ability to describe, we can only experience God. Some called this the apophatic tradition. This approach has generally been shunned by the mainstream tradition, but I believe this approach should be carefully guided and not discounted in one's tradition.)
Here comes the idol part. When we relate to God, do I mistake God to be whom I project Him to be? Is God an infinite projection of what I think goodness is? Is God an infinite projection of what I think love is? Am I making an idol? Yes and No. First, I recognize that the concept of infinite is really beyond human's capacity to phantom and understand. When I say infinite, I am acknowledging my finiteness and ability to articulate what is beyond me. This is a qualifier. Yet, if I try to imagine God within my perception of goodness, then I seriously think I am making an idol. Similarly, if I imagine God is like a father, God is not "the father". God could be a mother, a friend, is a Spirit, and all these are unlike how I relate to a human being. When I say God is like "...", I must not mistake God to be that "...", and confine God in that role or else I am also making an idol.
To be even more strict about constructing of idol, I may not be entitled to say "God exists". Why? The word "exist" is to presuppose a being or something that is present in time-space dimension. Can I say God is a being? If you adhere to the univocal approach, you will probably say yes. But if you prefer the equivocal approach, you might probably say no. Next is the question of existence. If the God whom I believe in transcends time-space dimension, how can I say "God exists"? Is God even a Being the way I understand what is a being? The sentence "God exists" is very problematic because the God whom we come to know through God's revelation is beyond our vocabulary and categories. To say "God exists" is confining "God" into categories.
Going back to the Westminster Catechism answer, I can see the response is trying to point me to what God is, i.e. "a Spirit, infinite, eternal and unchangeable, in his being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth." I understand the Westminster confession and catechism were compiled in the 17th century, a time when the theology was becoming more rationalistic and orthodoxy was the rule of the day. But anytime I allow the Westminster's response to be my static description of God, I have just constructed an idol. The concept of eternal is beyond me because I live in a temporal time-space dimension. Unchangeable is more like a Greek concept of the First Principle, and less like a flesh-incarnated-God. So, this description does have limitation. "wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth" are attributes affirming the characteristics of God, which serves to elicit trust and faith in this God, but are by no means constraining God into each category. I realize that sometimes, when I attempt to put up a defense for God, I may actually be putting up a defense for an idol. For e.g. if God is wise and good, why does He allow the disaster to happen? I may have to say "I don't know". But one thing is know is that I can do something for the afflicted in the world. I can act. God speaks through my action. My action affirms what I believe about God.
In prophet Elijah's encounter with Yahweh in 1 Ki 19:11-13, he expects Yahweh to appear in the fire, or thunder or lightning, or earthquake, i.e. the usual expectation of encounter with God (theophany) through powerful encounter of forces of nature. But God finally encounters Elijah in moments of silence. For me, that is an idol-shattering experience. An idol need not be the golden calf that the Israelites built below Mt. Sinai (Ex. 32). That idol-shattering experience changed Elijah.
As I put down Armstrong's The Case for God, I started to reflect upon the idol(s) I may have constructed. Though I hold a conviction of what God is, my conviction must not be an obstacle for how God continues to act in the history of humankind, and how God speaks to each and everyone of us. I vividly recalled that towards the end of his life, Thomas Aquinas had a vision of God, and it was so overwhelming that he refused to write anymore. He said "I can do no more. Such secrets have been revealed to me that all I have written now appears to be of little value" (http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14663b.htm). The greatest medieval theologian in the Latin West had such a transformative experience that he couldn't write anymore about God, and that humbles me when I attempt to articulate about God for fear that I may be constructing an idol.
This brings to my mind the Westminster Shorter Catechism,
Q4: What is God?
A. God is a Spirit, infinite, eternal and unchangeable, in his being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth.
There are traditionally two ways to describe God. The first is perhaps univocal way. By comparing what we know about a person and compare that similarity with God. That is to say, this person is wise, but God is infinitely wiser. This person is good. God is the absolute goodness.
The second way is the equivocal way, i.e. to disavow the similarity. That is to say there is nothing we know on earth that is comparable to God, which means we can only say what God is not. For e.g. God is not a liar. God is not this. Thomas Aquinas adopts this line of thought and goes further saying that our language about God is analogical. Since God is not this, we can say that God is like something. For e.g. God is strong like a rock, but God is not a rock. God oversees us like a shepherd taking care of his flock, but God is not that shepherd.
(There is a third way, which is not so well-known, called mysticism. This approach believes that since God is beyond our ability to describe, we can only experience God. Some called this the apophatic tradition. This approach has generally been shunned by the mainstream tradition, but I believe this approach should be carefully guided and not discounted in one's tradition.)
Here comes the idol part. When we relate to God, do I mistake God to be whom I project Him to be? Is God an infinite projection of what I think goodness is? Is God an infinite projection of what I think love is? Am I making an idol? Yes and No. First, I recognize that the concept of infinite is really beyond human's capacity to phantom and understand. When I say infinite, I am acknowledging my finiteness and ability to articulate what is beyond me. This is a qualifier. Yet, if I try to imagine God within my perception of goodness, then I seriously think I am making an idol. Similarly, if I imagine God is like a father, God is not "the father". God could be a mother, a friend, is a Spirit, and all these are unlike how I relate to a human being. When I say God is like "...", I must not mistake God to be that "...", and confine God in that role or else I am also making an idol.
To be even more strict about constructing of idol, I may not be entitled to say "God exists". Why? The word "exist" is to presuppose a being or something that is present in time-space dimension. Can I say God is a being? If you adhere to the univocal approach, you will probably say yes. But if you prefer the equivocal approach, you might probably say no. Next is the question of existence. If the God whom I believe in transcends time-space dimension, how can I say "God exists"? Is God even a Being the way I understand what is a being? The sentence "God exists" is very problematic because the God whom we come to know through God's revelation is beyond our vocabulary and categories. To say "God exists" is confining "God" into categories.
Going back to the Westminster Catechism answer, I can see the response is trying to point me to what God is, i.e. "a Spirit, infinite, eternal and unchangeable, in his being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth." I understand the Westminster confession and catechism were compiled in the 17th century, a time when the theology was becoming more rationalistic and orthodoxy was the rule of the day. But anytime I allow the Westminster's response to be my static description of God, I have just constructed an idol. The concept of eternal is beyond me because I live in a temporal time-space dimension. Unchangeable is more like a Greek concept of the First Principle, and less like a flesh-incarnated-God. So, this description does have limitation. "wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth" are attributes affirming the characteristics of God, which serves to elicit trust and faith in this God, but are by no means constraining God into each category. I realize that sometimes, when I attempt to put up a defense for God, I may actually be putting up a defense for an idol. For e.g. if God is wise and good, why does He allow the disaster to happen? I may have to say "I don't know". But one thing is know is that I can do something for the afflicted in the world. I can act. God speaks through my action. My action affirms what I believe about God.
In prophet Elijah's encounter with Yahweh in 1 Ki 19:11-13, he expects Yahweh to appear in the fire, or thunder or lightning, or earthquake, i.e. the usual expectation of encounter with God (theophany) through powerful encounter of forces of nature. But God finally encounters Elijah in moments of silence. For me, that is an idol-shattering experience. An idol need not be the golden calf that the Israelites built below Mt. Sinai (Ex. 32). That idol-shattering experience changed Elijah.
As I put down Armstrong's The Case for God, I started to reflect upon the idol(s) I may have constructed. Though I hold a conviction of what God is, my conviction must not be an obstacle for how God continues to act in the history of humankind, and how God speaks to each and everyone of us. I vividly recalled that towards the end of his life, Thomas Aquinas had a vision of God, and it was so overwhelming that he refused to write anymore. He said "I can do no more. Such secrets have been revealed to me that all I have written now appears to be of little value" (http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14663b.htm). The greatest medieval theologian in the Latin West had such a transformative experience that he couldn't write anymore about God, and that humbles me when I attempt to articulate about God for fear that I may be constructing an idol.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
What does it mean to be a great person?
As I come closer to the end of my MDiv journey at Boston University School of Theology, many thoughts come to my mind. One of them is the question of what it means to be a great person.
I embarked on my theological journey with the intense desire of seeking the betterment of humanity, to embody God's presence in the world. Indeed, as I studied in the last few semesters, I have read works by St. Augustine of Hippo, Anselm of Canterbury, Thomas Aquinas, Martin Luther and John Calvin the reformers, John Wesley, Karl Marx, Karl Barth, Emile Durkheim, MLK, Peter Berger, Catherine Keller, John Cobb, John Berthrong, etc. These past and present authors have been my teachers, and there were points in time when I was inspired to be like them. But when I entered parish ministry, I was confronted by limitations and continual needs to feed people spiritually. And gradually, whatever dreams I held were dimly erased as my conversation partners dwindled. I began to ask myself the same question again, "what does it mean to be a great person?"
In the past, I had thought that to be a great person, you have to be someone high in the hierarchy, you have to have a larger sphere of influence. In the parish ministry, a great person would be someone like Rick Warren (author of Purpose driven life and church), or Kong Hee (pastor of one of the largest churches in SG) or Rev. Stephen Tong (most well-known Reformed evangelist in Southeast Asia). But I was wrong too! The more I read, the more I served in parish setting, and the more I reflected, the more I believed that to be a great person is simply to be ME.
This new insight is significant as I finally understand that there is only one Bill Gates, one Lee Kuan Yew, one John Calvin, one Karl Barth, and one Swee-Leong. There is only one person who could be husband of my wife, the son of my parents, the brother of my sisters, the uncle of my niece and nephew, the grandson of my grandmother, the teacher of my students, the student-intern of my church, the chaplain-intern of the department, friend of my beloved friends, etc. Only I can play that role that no one else can. Why should I measure myself against the benchmarks of others?
If I am fully present as a human being for the others, am I not embodying God's presence in the world? If I continue to embody symbol of hope for others, am I not fostering good will in the history of humanity? If I can answer an emphatic YES to both questions, I am already right on the path of being a great person. To be a great person is simply to be ME and not any others, and to be conscious that I am living in the history of humankind with God as the author of this history. I may not be remembered on the page of history in the same way like Mother Teresa or Karl Rahner is being remembered, and I may not even be remembered by my ex-students, my congregation members, and friends one day, but what matters most is that I am being remembered by God. To know God, and to be known by God, and to be a human being in relating to others in whatever role I am called to be is to be a great person.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
活出福音
林前15：3-11
15:3 我當日所領受又傳給你們的、第一、就是基督照聖經所說、為我們的罪死了．
15:4 而且埋葬了．又照聖經所說、第三天復活了．
15:5 並且顯給磯法看．然後顯給十二使徒看．
15:6 後來一時顯給五百多弟兄看、其中一大半到如今還在、卻也有已經睡了的．
15:7 以後顯給雅各看．再顯給眾使徒看．
15:8 末了也顯給我看．我如同未到產期而生的人一般。
15:9 我原是使徒中最小的、不配稱為使徒、因為我從前逼迫 神的教會。
15:10 然而我今日成了何等人、是蒙 神的恩才成的．並且他所賜我的恩、不是徒然的．我比眾使徒格外勞苦．這原不是我、乃是 神的恩與我同在。
15:11 不拘是我是眾使徒、我們如此傳、你們也如此信了。
15:4 而且埋葬了．又照聖經所說、第三天復活了．
15:5 並且顯給磯法看．然後顯給十二使徒看．
15:6 後來一時顯給五百多弟兄看、其中一大半到如今還在、卻也有已經睡了的．
15:7 以後顯給雅各看．再顯給眾使徒看．
15:8 末了也顯給我看．我如同未到產期而生的人一般。
15:9 我原是使徒中最小的、不配稱為使徒、因為我從前逼迫 神的教會。
15:10 然而我今日成了何等人、是蒙 神的恩才成的．並且他所賜我的恩、不是徒然的．我比眾使徒格外勞苦．這原不是我、乃是 神的恩與我同在。
15:11 不拘是我是眾使徒、我們如此傳、你們也如此信了。
引言
我們生活在一個多元化的社會，這多元化的社會有許多的宗教信仰任你選購。如果你已習慣常常被商業廣告轟炸，你無疑疑問地會看到許多的產品在爭取你的關注力，如：Apple iPhone, RiM Blackberry, HTC Droid, T-mobile Sidekick, 等等。那些最能吸引你的可能只需要點幾下滑鼠就買到了。你看到的，你所想要的，馬上可以擁有。但是有些事項不是馬上就能看到的。不能看到的，你會想要嗎？在眾多信仰中，只有基督教堅持相信有一人的為我們死在十字架上，也已經復活了，這人我們稱為耶穌基督。然而，這事件已經發生在遙遠的過去了，是我們所不能看到或觸摸得到的。我們今天也沒有目睹耶穌基督站在我們身邊，但我們卻相信他的復活。這是否是一種超級奇蹟？我們如何在這個多元化的社會為我們所堅信的做見證？我相信保羅寫給哥林多教會的書信特別對我們的生活見證有所幫助。今天，我們將中哥林多前書15章來了解本書信如何能應用在我們的生活。
Move 1: 背景
關于哥林多城
哥林多位於伯羅奔尼撒半島（Peloponnesus peninsular）和希臘大陸(Greece mainland) 之間的狹窄地峽，俯瞰通往大陸的要道。在使徒保羅的日子，該城的人口約有40萬，僅次於當時的羅馬、亞歷山大和敘利亞的安提阿。哥林多東臨愛琴海(Aegean Sea)，西面向亞得里亞海(Adrian Sea)。哥林多是亞該亞行省(Achaia)的首府，連同它兩個港口在商業上居於極重要的位置。因為哥林多是個繁忙的港口，有許多不同種類的人都會在這城市居留，這城市也因此相當的復雜。哥林多城物質雖繁榮，道德卻極其墮落，他們的居民邪惡荒淫算是臭名遠播。他們當地舉行衆多的異教儀式。虽然如此，哥林多也是希臘的學術中心。
(參 http://zh.wikipedia.org/zh/%E5%93%A5%E6%9E%97%E5%A4%9A%E5%89%8D%E6%9B%B8）
哥林多教會
在保羅的第二次的宣教旅程中，在哥林多逗留了18個月，建立了哥林多教会。當時可能有150到200多信徒在哥林多教会。保罗的书信里提到：
4:14 我寫這話、不是叫你們羞愧、乃是警戒你們、好像我所親愛的兒女一樣。
4:15 你們學基督的、師傅雖有一萬、為父的卻是不多、因我在基督耶穌裏用福音生了你們。
4:16 所以我求你們效法我。
可见，對于哥林多的信徒，保羅的愛是何等深摯！同时，哥林多教会也出现不少问题，其中包括了教會紛爭，道德混亂，婚姻問題，祭偶像之物，教會崇拜，屬靈恩賜。因此不少教会领袖在探讨教会问题时，都会以哥林多书信做参考。今天，我们没时间一章一章的来看。但我希望我们能掌握保罗在这封书信的神学思想中心，来帮助我们在面对日常生活中勇敢地活出我们的见证。
Move 2 ：說明
哥林多城市是一個多元化的社會，也是希腊的學術中心。众多人對死亡后的命運持有懷疑的态度。哥林多教會的一些信徒也不例外。他们当中有人不信基督的復活。在保羅的回復里，他并沒有問哥林多教會為什麼不相信基督的復活，而是把基督的復活當做一個事實。我再說一遍，保羅把基督的復活當作一個事實。這復活不是靈魂上的復活，在希臘語被稱為"pneumatikoi"的復活。保羅說的復活是耶穌肉體的復活。耶穌也曾顯現在他門徒當中。其中是哥林多教會所熟悉的彼得，雅各和保羅本人。為了增加基督復活的可信度，保羅還另外提到500名證人，一些還活著的也能印證復活的事實。當哥林多信徒把這封書信念給其他信徒時，聽者將毫無疑問地能肯定基督的復活。保羅同時也認為舊約聖經也在指向基督的受難與復活。保羅冒著生命危險，把這福音積極的傳給羅馬帝國的外邦人。保羅在傳福音上是一個忠實的仆人。
所以，當保羅聲稱自己比任何使徒更加努力地工作時，保羅是不是要炫耀自己。相反的，保羅認為他在眾使徒當中是最不配的。保羅在用誇張的方式來強調上帝的恩典如何在他身上被彰顯。保羅本是在一位最有名的拉比之下培養出來的。他原本可以有一個出色的職業生涯，成為另一位有權威的拉比，并成立自己的學校，招收自己的學生，但他放棄了這一切。他曾經迫害基督的教會，也唯有上帝奇妙的恩典可以改變他。他的改變是如此驚人，他放棄解讀律法教授的職位，還為了信基督的緣故而遭受逼迫。由此可見，當保羅經歷了上帝奇妙的恩典，他經歷了改變，成為上帝的同工。他的人生故事就與上帝為人類所寫的故事鏈接在一起。他生命的故事就有了不同的層面(his life story takes on a different dimension)。保羅的生命從此成為上帝大圖畫中的其中一部，保羅也一同與上帝編寫人類的歷史。
Move3 ：應用
其實我們就像保羅一樣，不配得享上帝的恩典。然而，當我們被上帝的恩典觸摸的那一刻，上帝的靈就在我們心里動工，幫助我們接納基督為我們的死與他的復活。基督的死與復活就在我們的意識形態里，影響我們的日常生活(Christ's death and resurrection becomes part of our consciousness and influences how we live)。雖然保羅沒有親眼目睹耶穌身體上的復活，保羅卻經歷基督為他而死和復活。同樣的，我們能經歷基督為我們死，也已經復活的事實，因為上帝的靈已經我們心中為我們印證了。透過基督的死與復活，我們都在經歷改變。雖然我們可能沒有像保羅有如此特殊的經歷，但是我們每天都在經歷逐步的改變。約翰衛斯理用另一個稱呼說這是"成聖的過程"(process of sanctification)。
基督的死與復活的福音自使徒們開始從一代傳一代到我們這代。現在，我們被呼召傳承這使命，而且我們如何傳承這使命必須與我們如何活出這使命息息相關。我們沒有保羅所那指的500名證人。彼得，保羅與雅各也不再我們當中了。唯有我們生命的改變能在其他人當中印證這福音。讓我用一個例子來解釋這印證的方式。
以前我在新加坡武裝部隊服兵役的時候，我是一位無線電信號兵。我需要鑒別我所收到的電信是否可靠，所以需要給發送者一組代碼。若發送者所回復的代碼符合我代碼字的組合，那我可以肯定他所發的信號來之一位友好單位，我就能傳遞他的信號到到另一個部隊。鑒別信號的真偽關乎我單位的生存，所以非常重要。同樣的，當我們生活與福音相稱時，我們就在這社會印證了基督的受難與復活，別人也透過我們的生活鑒別這福音的可信度。福音透過我們的生活改變我們現實的本體(reality)。這新的現實本體成為一通門，讓非信徒能鑒別福音的真偽。我相信上帝的恩典是無法抗拒的(irresistible grace)，一旦我們被上帝的恩典所感動，我們就回應這福音，并印證了福音的真實性，就這樣我們產生了一種嶄新的現實本體(new reality)。假若這社會說："人只有利用的價值"，我們要說："你到我們這里來一同與我們享有基督的愛。"假若這社會說："你餓死了是你的事"，我們要說："你到我們這里來一同與我們享有愛延。"這就是新的現實本體。
當上帝無法抗拒的恩典臨到我們時，我們回應并一同產生新的現實本體。換句話說，當我們透過生命回應福音時，我們就印證了這福音的可信度，我們也在與上帝一同編寫上帝給人類的故事，上帝也把看我們視為祂的同工。這是莫大的福份啊！
結論
親愛的弟兄姐妹，我們都一同領受上帝的恩典。我們要感謝那些持守信仰的先輩們，一代一代的把福音傳給我們。我要邀請你來用你的生命印證福音，就像保羅一樣，勇敢地把福音活出來。我邀請你成為上帝的同工，一同參與上帝為人類編寫的故事。我相信當人類歷史結束時，我們回頭一看整個人類歷史，我們將看見我們是如何參與上帝的大故事里，我們將看到我們每一位基督徒是如何在這歷史中扮演上帝所呼召我們的角色。我們將看到自己的生活色彩是如何地使整幅圖畫更精彩，更扣人心弦。那時，我們將看到上帝的大榮光，并會全體跪拜在上帝的面前頌贊"榮耀，榮耀，榮耀"一直到永遠。
（大波士頓臺灣長老會的第六次證道。四月11日2010年。）
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Jesus' tears and the Haiti earthquake
Prologue
On January 12, 2010, a 7.0 magnitude quake hit Haiti, just 10 miles west of Porte-au-Prince. There were 3 million people in need of emergency aid after major earthquake. The major quake sent 33 aftershocks ranging in magnitude from 4.2 to 5.9. As Haiti has poor construction work, a lot of buildings collapsed and increased the death toll further. 200,000 people are estimated dead, and 3 million more are affected. Haiti is one of poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere, with 80% of the 9 million residents living in poverty. You can imagine the nightmares and horrors that the Haitians have to live through. Jim Wallis, an evangelical Christian writer and political activist, said that,
On January 12, 2010, a 7.0 magnitude quake hit Haiti, just 10 miles west of Porte-au-Prince. There were 3 million people in need of emergency aid after major earthquake. The major quake sent 33 aftershocks ranging in magnitude from 4.2 to 5.9. As Haiti has poor construction work, a lot of buildings collapsed and increased the death toll further. 200,000 people are estimated dead, and 3 million more are affected. Haiti is one of poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere, with 80% of the 9 million residents living in poverty. You can imagine the nightmares and horrors that the Haitians have to live through. Jim Wallis, an evangelical Christian writer and political activist, said that,
In this kind of natural disaster, it is almost always the poorest who suffer the most -- those who have the least to lose are often those who lose the most. Life is always hard for poor people -- living on the edge is insecure and full of risk. Natural disasters make it worse. Yet even in normal times, poverty is hidden and not reported by the media. In times of disaster, there continues to be little coverage of the excessive impact on the poor.[1]
Not too long ago, Typhoon Morakot hit Taiwan leaving at least 461 people killed, 192 people missing, and 46 injured, and one village buried. How should we Christians view natural disaster? How should we respond? In this afternoon, I hope to draw upon a passage from Lazarus’ resurrection as we reflect together.
Jesus the Resurrection and the Life
Jn 11:17 When Jesus arrived, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. 18 Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, some two miles away, 19 and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them about their brother. 20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, while Mary stayed at home. 21 Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him.” 23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24 Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” 25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” 27 She said to him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world.”
The Gospel of John was written in the midst of fierce theological debate in the early Jewish-Christian community, and with aim of convincing the readers that Jesus was the Messiah. “Whereas Mark begins with the baptism of Jesus, and Matthew and Luke with the birth of Jesus, John begins ‘at the beginning,’ before the creation.”[2] The gospel of John portrays Jesus as the Logos incarnate and the author is the witness. The author shows Jesus Christ as being thoroughly human, with Jesus’ first miracle during the wedding at Cana in Galilee and his last miracle, which is the resurrection of Lazarus, at Bethany near Jerusalem. Jesus participates in the joy of human celebration, and weeps at the loss of a dear friend. Let us look in details at the resurrection of Lazarus. Prior to Jesus’ arrival at Bethany, he had received a message that Lazarus was ill, and he remarked “This illness does not lead to death; rather it is for God’s glory, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” He intentionally delayed his arrival and he told his disciples “For your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe” (Jn 11:15). These implied that Jesus knew what was going to happen, and he allowed Lazarus to die. Upon his arrival at Bethany, we are told that Lazarus has been in the tomb for four days, and many Jews had come to comfort the sisters. Martha receives Jesus before Mary, and this opens up a conversation between Martha and Jesus. Martha expresses hope that her brother would not have to die if Jesus had arrived earlier. We have to pay careful attention to Jesus’ following reply as that is the key to this narrative.
Jesus reassures Martha that her brother will rise again, and Martha assumes that Jesus is referring to the last day or the resurrection at the end of time. To emphasize what he is implying, Jesus adds that “I am the resurrection and the life (v.25a),” and explains “Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die (v.25b-26a).” What does he mean by that? First we know that Jesus is responding to Martha’s misconception that her brother will only rise at the end of time. Second, we also know that Jesus is referring to the present. He is saying that eternal life begins now, and those who believe in Jesus Christ already have life that transcends death. “Jesus shares completely in God’s ability to give life (5:21-29). As the resurrection and the life, Jesus defeats the power of death in the future (v.25b) and in the present (v.26a).”[3] He then invites Martha to confess her belief, and she declares “Yes” and going beyond the affirmative, adds “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming in to the world (v.27).” This proclamation is normative in the confession of the gospel of John (cf. 20:31). What did Martha do after her confession?
Jesus Weeps
Jn 11: 28 When she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary, and told her privately, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” 29 And when she heard it, she got up quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet come to the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 The Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary get up quickly and go out. They followed her because they thought that she was going to the tomb to weep there. 32 When Mary came where Jesus was and saw him, she knelt at his feet and said to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. 34 He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” 35 Jesus began to weep. 36 So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” 37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”
Martha informs Mary about Jesus’ arrival. Unlike Philip who relayed his belief in Jesus as the Messiah when he told Nathanael about Jesus (v1:43-45), Martha does not. However, Mary’s response is prompt upon hearing the Jesus’ arrival. Similarly, she expresses belief that her brother would not have died had Jesus arrived earlier. She is the same Mary who had anointed Jesus’ feet, and in this scene, she falls at Jesus’ feet. There has been a lot of argument on how verse 33b should be translated. NRSV translates this verse Jesus as “greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved,” NIV renders it as “deeply moved in spirit and troubled,” while Chinese Union Version has it as “心里悲叹、又甚忧愁” (he lamented, and was in deep sadness)。There is an intense emotion displayed here, and such intense emotion is usually either an expression of indignation or anger. “Is Jesus angry at death, angry at people’s lack of faith, grieving with or for his friends, or responding to the immediate prospect of his own death?”[4] I am inclined to a New Testament scholar, Moody Smith’s view that
Jesus evidently participates in the mourning and sadness over Lazarus’ death. The flat statement that Jesus wept (v.35) would confirm this. Nothing is said about Jesus’ irritation because of the Jews’ unbelief, or about their forcing his hand by putting him into the position of having to perform a miracle that as a self-revelation would lead immediately to his death.[5]
Jesus began to weep. This is perhaps the shortest verse in the whole gospel. The fact Jesus wept illustrates that Jesus shares the sadness of his friends and their neighbors. Jesus understands the grief of his friends and mourners, and he himself loved Lazarus, his friend and his disciple. The rest of the mourners witnessed the love of Jesus for his disciples, and Jesus loved his disciples till his death (v.13:2). Jesus requests Mary to show him where Lazarus’ tomb is. His love for Lazarus prompts him to action, and such love is not just a state of mind.
Jesus Raises Lazarus to Life
Jn 11:38 Then Jesus, again greatly disturbed, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone was lying against it. 39 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, already there is a stench because he has been dead four days.” 40 Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” 41 So they took away the stone. And Jesus looked upward and said, “Father, I thank you for having heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I have said this for the sake of the crowd standing here, so that they may believe that you sent me.” 43 When he had said this, he cried with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet bound with strips of cloth, and his face wrapped in a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”
Martha’s response to the opening of the tomb shows that Lazarus is really dead. Jesus utters a proclamation that expresses his confidence in the firm relationship between him and His Father. At his command, Lazarus emerges from the tomb, still wrapped in grave cloth. Lazarus’ resurrection testifies Jesus as the Lord of life and of his intimacy with God the Father. Jesus shows the Jews an even greater miracle than preventing the person’s death. He brought the dead back alive.
What does this narrative tell us about the Haiti earthquake? We do not know why the earthquake strike Haiti, though God knows the earthquake would take place, just like Jesus knew that Lazarus would die, God grieves when 200,000 Haitians died and many more displaced. God loves the Haitians just like God loves us, and when God’s people grieved and wept, God wept with us. Jesus is the resurrection and life, though Jesus may not be physically here to resurrect the dead Haitians, those who believe in Him continues to have an unbroken relationship with Him. Jesus does continue to offer hope and light to everyone who is alive today, and Jesus’ promise does not start after one’s death, but in the immediate now. We do not know why tragedies happen, but we know that God suffers with us, God enters into our grief, and God bears the brunt of suffering on the cross. God is intimate with pain and suffering, and when one suffers, she does not suffer alone but suffers with the One who is intimate with pain and suffering.
What are we expected to do as people of God? We know that Jesus’ love prompts Jesus to respond to Lazarus’ death, and Jesus also said in Matt 25:40 “just as you did to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me,” we are similarly called to respond. Let’s look at Lazarus’ response after his resurrection.
The Plot to Kill Lazarus
12:9 When the great crowd of the Jews learned that he was there, they came not only because of Jesus but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. 10 So the chief priests planned to put Lazarus to death as well, 11 since it was on account of him that many of the Jews were deserting and were believing in Jesus.
After his resurrection, Lazarus was bearing testimony for Jesus, and led many people to believe in Jesus as the Messiah. This incurred the wrath and fear of religious leaders to such an extent that Lazarus’ life was threatened. I believe this is how one testifies about Jesus, by living out our faith. I am not saying that we are to seek death intentionally, but we are called to be Jesus’ faithful followers. Though we cannot bring a person back to life, we are called to offer hope and called to stand in solidarity with people who are suffering. We are called to testify to the hope we have in Christ Jesus. Though we undergo a physical death, we believe in an eternal life with God through Christ which begins now, and in the resurrection to come. This is how God’s love is manifested for us, Christ died for us while we are still sinners (Rom 5:8). God’s love moves us to action. Though we may not be physically in Haiti to assist the people in need, we could:
1) Follow the news on Haiti earthquake so that we know how to continue praying for them;
2) Text "HAITI" to "90999" and a donation of $10 will be given automatically to the Red Cross to help with relief efforts, charged to your cell phone bill;
2) Text "HAITI" to "90999" and a donation of $10 will be given automatically to the Red Cross to help with relief efforts, charged to your cell phone bill;
3) Donate financially online through Presbyterian Disaster Assistance on PCUSA website http://www.pcusa.org/pda/
There are many other means we could respond. We who are loved by God, who are called into relationship with God, are also called to testify the hope we have in Christ. Like Lazarus who experienced Christ’s radical grace, let us also acknowledge the radical grace we receive from God and manifest it in our life. Let us join our hearts in prayer:
We pray for Haiti
God of compassion
please watch over the people of Haiti,
and weave out of these terrible happenings
wonders of goodness and grace.
Surround those who have been affected by tragedy
with a sense of your present love,
and hold them in faith.
Though they are lost in grief,
may they find you and be comforted.
Guide us as a church
to find ways of providing assistance
that heal wounds and provide hope.
Help us to remember that when one of your children suffers
we all suffer;
through Jesus Christ who was dead, but lives
and rules this world with you. Amen.
Prayer by Bruce Reyes-Chow, Moderator of the 218th General Assembly (2008), Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.); Gradye Parsons, Stated Clerk, Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.); and Linda Valentine, Executive Director, General Assembly Mission Council, Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)
[1] Jim Wallis, Sojourners, http://blog.sojo.net/2010/01/14/god-is-suffering-with-those-who-are-suffering-in-haiti/ (accessed Jan23, 2010).
[2] R. Alan Culpepper, The gospel and letters of John (Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 1998), 16.
[3] The Gospel according to John, The New Interpreter’s Study Bible: New Revised Standard Version with the Apocrypha (Nashville, TN: 2003), 1931.
[4] Culpepper, The gospel and letters of John, 188.
[5] D. Moody Smith, Abingdon New Testament Commentaries: John (Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 1999), 224.
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